Goodbye 2005. It has been a good year


Picture snap thanks to Wishfulone

The start of the new year. My goodness, how did 12 months go by so quickly like that? I don’t think that I even got comfortable with 2005 yet! However, there were a number of highlights in the year 2005 to remember by.

January:
Moving in the new school campus for West Spring Secondary, where I used to work at.

February:
Registered for night classes with the hopes to improve myself. After a hiatus of many, many years.

March:
Entered into very bad depression, caused by many different factors, such as the problems with my previous job, and the psychological effects from my severe acne problem.

April:

Got my canon EOS 350D! And took loads and loads of pictures thereafter.

May:
I was terminated from my previous company. Well, good riddance to them, the only reason I stayed so long was because I liked the previous school I was attached to.

June :
Got a new job in a better, and more established company!
Started my photography classes and my brother’s basic military training graduation.

August
Took a leap and travelled half-way around the world to meet my dearest for the first time in real life.

September
My blog post about my dearest got into Tomorrowsg! Hee hee hee hee!

October
After a long year and a half, I finally passed my Motorcycle Riding Test.

November
My maternal grandfather passed away.

December

After a long engagement, best friend Hema, got married and it was also Cart and my first year anniversary 🙂

Goodbye 2005! It has been a good year, full of interesting and enriching experiences. Some bittersweet. Some beautiful and unforgettable. All that I wouldn’t ever want to trade for anything else.

And what are the things to come in the year 2006? I’ve many things that I planned to do this year, the nimmo and friends webcomics, writing articles for publications, going in depth with photography, trying to learn actionscript and loads of other things …

I’ve many things I’d like to do! But first things first would be my upcoming A level examinations. And I’d like to try to do good this time … and I might have to sacrifice a little.

Anyhow, bro and I was out last weekend with the intention of going to the Vespa Showroom to look at the different scooters that they had there. I’ve always wanted to get green GT200 for the longest time but wanted to see it for real before the actual purchase.

It was a beautiful day. Skies were blue, and big fluffy clouds graced the sky and I was happy and revved up to finally get to sit on my beloved scooter.

To our dismay when we finally got to the building, only to find it locked and closed. It was so upsetting that I had to jerk the gates repeatedly to see if it really was locked. It was as if someone played a prank on us.

We decided to head back and took the bus that will take us home. Fortunately for us, we saw a huge motorcycle gallery while on the way and I quickly asked Nazry.

Wanna go take a look?
I don’t mind
I don’t mind either
Lets go!

He quickly pressed the buzzer and we dropped by and explored the place. Ohh .. there were loads and loads of motorcycles around, in many different colours, shapes and sizes.

There were several men looking around a specific model of a bike and asked the sales person some questions. There were so many bikes! Almost bursting with them that even the exit had at least 10 bikes being displayed outside. Even the walls and ceilings had bikes hanging precariously with metal bars.

At this time, I was feeling quite overwhelmed by the amount of bikes that there was there. There were so many, that I didn’t know where to start. And the signs on the bike didn’t help much either. I couldn’t understand a thing! All the technical specifications were so alien to me, it felt like the first time I bought a computer (I didn’t have much computer knowledge then) and finally just settled on a computer that seemed easy to use.

But nevertheless, I did see some interesting bikes, some with really large radiator looking devices in front of the engines. Some sprayed to look like a yellow cab taxi. And there were even one interesting bike I saw that looked so plastic, I wondered how it could ever even run.

Bro seemed to fall in love with this one


Gosh look at how excited and happy is

It was an interesting looking bike, with footrests. Nazry thinks that it exudes the ‘cool’ factor with the interesting body-frame and the movable seats. Personally, I thought it looks a little odd and a bit flimsy. He asked the salesman, how much the bike costs. “$10k” was the reply. A bit much for me.

We left after spending about an hour or two in there. I think next time, I should ask someone who’s more experienced in bikes to accompany me. It was truly overwhelming.

We went to Jurong Point for lunch when bro felt like playing a game in the arcades. I accompanied him and looked on, while he played this game called “Ghost Squad” and I was amazed to see him shoot down the enemies one by one.

This must be what the army trained my brother for 😛 He was so fast that even before the enemies appeared, he was well prepared to aim and shoot them down. A true marksman.

Bro had a strange costume for his character player though.

A man in a panda costume with a cat stuck behind him. “What the heck is that?” I asked him, with a note of disbelief. “Why, only high level people could use this costume!”, he replied proudly.

And he looked triumphant as he completed the entire game.

Anyhow, it was a lovely and relaxing day. It was pretty good. And I enjoyed myself. Before I go, I think I’ll post a picture of my mum, just because I like this picture of her.

Goodnight!

Of what dreams may come

I had the most interesting dream this morning.

I dreamt that I was sleeping in bed and I opened my eyes to find my bedroom door opened. I didnt liked sleeping with the door open so I rose to shut the door. I realise that the door was green, and there was a dresser beside the bed and outside the window, where the moon was shining brightly was familliar swaying of trees, still buildings and the soft sounds of the passing of cars onroads.

I was back in my old house again.

The house that I lived in for over two decades before it got demolished. I wasnt frightened. I felt safe and protected. It was a place I was familliar with. My sanctuary. I was happy even, to see everything as it was. And I wanted to explore to see more.

So I opened the door.

I see a little boy and a little girl which looked like my siblings, only younger. They didnt notice me. And my father, sitting on the sofa, reading a newspaper, quietly. He doesnt notice me either.

But what struct me the most, was that in front of me, was my mother. Except she was younger. Much much younger. In her 20’s. She had shorter hair and she noticed me and she looked little stunned but she wasnt frightened and instead she embraced me and asked me, “How old are you?”

27, I answered.

“You could have been. You could have been.” She replied, with a tinge of sadness.

I’ve always been interested in dream analysis and interpretation for quite a while. Even though I am just a novice at this, I find it absolutely facinating, how the mind works when your body is at rest.

The mind, free from the boundaries of the waking logicalities, uses both the left and right sides of the brain and forms dreams when we are in our deepest state of sleep – the REM.

These visions of dreams can be a symbol of many things:

It could either be something that affects you in your daily lives. When you go to sleep hungry, a huge probability that you’d dream of food. When you are anxious about the examination that will happen tomorrow, dreams of going to the exam hall in time are very common.

And there are times when you dream of a deja vous – when you dream of a scene and then forget about it for a while and then one day you stop for a while and look around and realise that where you are at right now, is exactly like a dream scene you dreamt a few months ago.

And sometimes dreams can also be messages from the brain or other sources, in form of dreams to what it cannot translate during the waking hours. You may have problems with a very difficult situation. After pondering about the problem, decide to go to sleep for a while to try to solve it later. And while you are dreaming, you find the solution to your problem.

Dreams has even been a source of inspiration for many. J.K. Rowling, author of the Harry Potter series has admitted that the characters as well as the scenes like the quidditch game and the train station, was inspired by a curious dream that she had.

But coming back to the dream that I encountered, there are a few interpretations that I can think of.

Dreaming of a house, represents yourself. The bedroom symbolises your emotional life and your privacy and relaxation. I dreamt about the old house, where I was very comfortable in. In a way, I suppose, I miss the “old life” when the world seemed a whole lot simpler.

Siblings or children in dreams are usually a representation of ourselves. Could those children actually be me? Or what I could have been?

Dreams about mothers are usually symbols of the nurturing aspect of your own personality. Dreaming of conversations with your mother, means that you may have unresolved issues.

What I am most intruiged in is why does is my dream-mother young? And why is the entire environment so realistically real? It was as if I had stepped back in time, about 10 or 20 years ago and met my mother, in my present self. Everything was so vivid.

Am I becoming like mum?

Or maybe in the back of my mind, thats the point where I know, the rest of her life will be etched.

Maybe she wants to have a different life?

Maybe the person who wants to have a different life is me.

This dream is intruiging me.

To reality

Dear reality,

I know we havent really been the best of friends and I know how sometimes I’d blame you for a lot of things.

Reality, I wish that things were different. Simpler. We wouldnt be the way that we are right now.

But things would never change would it? You’d always be the same. Harsh and cold. Unfair, most of the times.

Sometimes I wonder why it is this way. Its so funny how you treat the nice and people so bad and let the nasty people get away scott free. How come?

But reality, no matter. I am queen.

And as a queen, I will be able to get through all these, with poise and with dignity. And with strength and with grace with all my regality.

Maybe in time, you’ll change. And we’ll be okay.

Anyway, got to go. We’ll meet again soon

Love,
Queen Rose Marina Regalia
Kingdom of Rinaz

Atukku

I remember how you’d love to drink a bottle of orange yakult in the mornings.

I remember how impressed I was when you were reading the Chinese newspaper and talked to your friend so fluently.

I remember your attempts to make me amused with your rendition of the national song.

I remember how interestingly blue the iris of your eyes are.

I remember the way you talked, always gentle.

Alas, you’d never drink your yakult anymore. Nor read the Chinese papers. Nor sing that silly song that you made up.

You passed away yesterday night.

Though we werent so close mainly because we lived so far apart. I still cant help but feel like my heart is being dented. You were a good man. You were a wonderful grandfather.

I’m not gorgeous but its okay

Oh sweet! Look at what was just delivered this morning. Yay!


The coy and demure pose

Tried to call up the vespa showroom but there was no reply. Thought it would be nice to try out the different scooters before making my mind up about which one to get.

I dont mind slightly heavier bikes. (Not too heavy though!) Because they are more stable but I don’t think I could get a bike which is too tall. If the balls of my feet can’t touch the ground, that’s no good.

Anyway, been looking at tomorrow.sg when an article caught my eye.

In a nutshell : A blogger here in Singapore was nominated as the hottest blogger Apparently, she was noticed by a local talent agency to sign her up with MTV.

I read about that a few days ago but I didn’t think about it much. She’s a very pretty girl and she’s very lucky to be signed up with MTV.


What an adorable face

I mean, I wish I was as pretty as she. But I’m not. So I pretty much abandoned all my hopes to become the next popular pop-star/TV host/singer/ and just forget about it. (Haah? No more Marina Carey? Boring)

However, I wonder why talent agencies or TCS or any local media here seem to favour more of the Caucasian look and then the Chinese. There is very little, if none at all Malay or Indian actors and actresses, models used for advertisements.

Even Taufik Batisah, the winner of the Singapore Idol competition, seems to be completely non existent in the TCS 5 world. Save for the one drama series, Shooting Stars and the 7-11 commercial. Sheik Haikal, Norleena Salim, Kumar … Where are they now?

My classmate, Adi, believes that the reason being is that Caucasians have much more appeal than the other races. It all boils down to marketing, people with more appeal, generate more revenue.

But I feel that the lesser fairer races also have their own special appeal. Who is to say that Indians and Malays don’t?

It makes me sad to see biasness in the media when in actual fact, most Singaporeans are in a melting pot. We interact with each other in daily life, we have best friends with each other, we even form relationships with each other. So what’s up with the one sided view?

Yes, I would like to see more diversity in races in the media. What can be done to promote it? I wish I knew.

I’m still hopeful though.

untitled

Carrie : Oh wow.

Aleksandr : What?

Carrie : That is some strong coffee. Oh. Well, no wonder you work all night.

Aleksandr : Thats the way I like it.

Carrie : I could need a little milk in this.

Aleksandr : Then its not espresso. Milk will ruin it. Keep sipping it. You’ll see.

Carrie : I need to talk to you about something

Aleksandr : Yes?

Carrie : You know the other day, when I was talking about my friend?

Aleksandr : The one with cancer.

Carrie : Her name is Samantha. I just felt like, you werent very sensitive about my feelings. I mentioned her and your first response was to tell me about your friend.

Aleksandr : Who died, yeah.

Carrie : Yes. See exactly.

Alexandr looks puzzled

Carrie : I’m sorry about your friend. But my friend, is going to be fine.

Aleksandr : Then my friend died.

Carrie : See! You’re doing it again.Not every one dies.

Aleksandr : Then they are lucky.

Carrie : Okay, I … Maybe I’m not being very clear.

Aleksandr : You’re being clear. You dont want your friend to die.

Carrie : Please stop saying die!

Aleksandr : But to be realistic, you must acknowledge this possibility, yes?

Carrie : No! They caught it early, its stage one. She’s having the cadillac of chemo. No! She is going to be fine. And your scaring me isnt helping.

Aleksandr : All I’m saying when my friend died …

Carrie : Hey! I dont know why, but you are not listening to me!

Aleksandr : You are not listening to ME!

Carrie : Are you kidding me? All I’ve said is, Please. Dont. Talk. About. Your. Friend. Who. Died.

Aleksandr : Her name is Sophie.

Carrie : I’m leaving

Aleksandr : What are you talking about? We’re having espresso!

Carrie : No! We’re not having espresso. WE are not listening!

Aleksandr : Sit down. Finish your coffee.

Carrie gulps the hot drink

Aleksandr : Its hot

Carrie grimaces and coughs

Carrie : I’m leaving. You know, I asked you, not to mention your friend. Now all I can think about, is your friend. And my friend, has nothing to do with your friend.

Aleksandr : I think you’re acting like a child.

Carrie : And I think you’re acting like an asshole.

Aleksandr : Maybe you should go right now.

Carrie : I’m already going!


Some weeks later

Aleksandr : I didn’t think I would hear from you

Carrie : I was upset. Now you know, I need you to not talk. So that I can say this without you confusing me. Samantha is my friend, she’s my family, my insides. She will be fine, because she has to be fine. That is how important she is to me. So, for you to say that she just might not be just … its feels very … hurtful. And really uncessesary.

Aleksandr : Let me explain. My friend who died.

Carrie : God!

Aleksandr : Wait. Wait. When she died. I was suprised. The amount of pain. I didnt want you to be surprised like I was.

Carrie : Well, you could have just said that

Aleksandr : We are different

Carrie : Yes we are. I need my relationship with a little bit of milk.

Aleksandr : Its clear who the writer is, huh? Your friend will be fine.

Carrie : Thank you. And I’m sorry about Sophie.

Aleksandr : Thank you.

Laa laa laa

Daisypath Ticker
Ti amo tanto tanto tanto 🙂

Found a whole folder containing some mp3’s in my work computer and decided to dump some of the songs into my mp3 player. While listening to them on on the bus on my way to night class, I was totally gripped by one of the songs. It was called She’s Gone by Steelheart

Man, my eyebrows just arched whilst listening to it. Really. Really really. I was like:


She’s gone,
Out of my life.
I was wrong,
I’m to blame,
I was so untrue.
I can’t live without her love.

In my life
There’s just an empty space.
All my dreams are lost,
I’m wasting away.

Forgive me. Girrrrrrrrl.

uhhhrrrrrllll

WRRRRLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!

LADY! WONT YOU SAVE ME??

MY HEART BELONGS TO YOU!

LADY, CAN YOU FORGIVE ME?

FOR ALL I’VE DONE TO YOU

LADY. OH LADYYYYYY.

OH LADDYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!

Arrghh!!!

(We interrupt this programme with a word from our sponsors)

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Heartache from her leaving you?
Sore throat from screaming like a psycho?

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Ahh .. Back to normal and feeling sheepish.

Anyway, I was a little early to night class and my General Paper teacher, Mr Chako was there. His eyes were swollen, poor thing. It hurts just to look at him. He told me that he had an infection and the bad thing was, he was allergic to anti-biotics.

And he still went to work after given a few days leave.

Really gotta hand it to the man for being so dedicated to his work. He still felt sorry for himself though and mumbled a “Gosh, I feel so aged and tired, not like you, you’re young and pretty”

Huh? What?

“Pretty, you’re pretty and have good features. If you dont mind me saying, if you have no zits, you’d be stunning”

Uh .. Okay, thanks.

For the next few minutes, we talked about zits. I thought that zits were because of genetics. My mum had zits, and my grandmother and though I never seen her before, probably my great-grandmother and the one before and the one before. So therefore, I’d get zits too.

Mr Chako disagreed. He believes that pimples are treatable through medication and other remedies. And he began to talk about tetracyclene and facial regiments such as saloons and spas.

Thanks, but no thanks. I’ll never go to facials. I hate the extraction method that they do. It was super painful. I must have cried at the end of every session that I stopped and just gave the salon the cold shoulder.

And currently, I’m seeing a doctor for my skin malaise. It would take a longer time, but at least, there’s no painful poking involved. I asked him if zits were caused by genetics and he replied

“Well, the formation of pimples may be formed due to family genes. If your parents had oily skin, most probably you would have it too. But if one of your parent have oily skin and the other has dry skin, you might have combination skin where you have a T-Zone.

Oily skin may cause pores to block and form acne. However, acne is not a hereditary problem”

Hmm .. ok then. Anyways, I’m not really so bothered by zits now that my skin is getting better now as compared to last year.

I hated looking at myself in the mirror. I couldnt help thinking of how ugly I looked and how aweful everything was around me, coupled by the stress that was due to the company that I used to work with.

People around me would always comment about my face and that made me feel more aweful than ever. Juli must have seen me at my lowest peak at the beginning of this year when she asked me out in the Kinokuniya Bookshop. She asked me to dress up to meet a friend which I did. But my heart really wasnt in it. Because all that I could think of was how ugly I was, how broke I was to do anything about it, how my job sucks and how bleak everything else was.

I was just psychologically broken.

I mean seriously, how would you feel if you had a face like this?

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Sucks I tell you. Just plain sucks. I’m glad that I’ve got it over me, for now. The doctor says that these problems will stabilize when I reach about 30 years old. So I guess theres something to look forward to, at that age, after all. Not only will the skin condition stabilize, short sightedness would also stabilize.


I want to be 30, and flirty and fun

I know its pretty superficial and people would go about the cliqued saying of “Oh, its the inside that counts the most” It still affects someone, anyways. It doesnt help the soul at all.

Speaking of beauty, I was watching this interesting DVD that I borrowed from the library.

In series 3, it talked about the topic of beauty and interestingly enough, it says there is a mathematical ration to what equates to a beautiful shape.

In it, there is a golden ratio to the proportion. 1: 1.618

In a beautiful shape and face, the upper body and the torso would be 1 : 1.618 and this can be seen throughout the entire body as well as face.

Not sure how accurate this is, but I’m not going to start with my non symmetrical face.


A mask done by using these ratios


Fits Kate Moss’s face perfectly

And speaking of faces. Look at what I got from the mail today!


My fave vanity shoppe! With a new branch! In *MY* square! It must be a good sign of times to come 🙂

Not tasty pasta at Delifrance

Aunty Rinaz snaps a picture of toddler who will grow up to be a ladies man.

Geri had a fieldwork at Boon Lay last week. Since she was in the vicinity, decided to ask me out for dinner.

We went to have dinner at the new Delifrance Bistro at Jurong point as she wanted to have pasta, and I’d like to try something new. The décor looked pretty nice, a cosy cafe with nicer furniture and lightings. We sat down somewhere in the middle and were handed the menu.

Me: I’m hungry!
Geri: So am I!
Me: Gosh! (looking at the pictures) I could try this
Geri: I wanna have the cream based pasta.

I decided to choose an unpronounceable pasta, made of Fettuccine in tomato sauce with some vegetables and chicken while Geri wrote down the number of our orders on the paper to be passed to the waiter.

Ohh .. I cant wait for our noodles. MMmmmmm
(Waiter serves Geri’s pasta on the table)
(Peers … Bowl is tiny!)
Wait a sec, that’s it?
(Peers again at the height of the bowl)
Wah so small? How does it taste?
(Geri takes a bite and makes a face)
Not nice! Gosh this cream isn’t creamy at all …
Tastes more like pasta in onion soup …

(Tastes my own pasta)

How’s yours Marina?
Uh? Ok lah. It’s 13 dollars. So I have to like it.

(15 mins later)

Geri : Can we go now? I don’t like the food here. My tummy is complaining!
Me : I have to finish it! Make it value for money. Wah!
Geri : Lets go, we can have better food after this.
Me : Aren’t we going to stay for our free dessert?

Anyway, we had an Anderson’s ice cream and we chatted and updated news with each other. We had a walk around Jurong Point and I suddenly realise how much I have put on weight. My clothes don’t fit so well any more! I complained. I should do something about it, I said, licking my ice cream at the same time.

My complains materialised more as I weighed myself.

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Holy toot. I’m 56 (point two!) kilograms. I’ve never been that heavy. Ever. Back in Jurong Institute, I’d always hover about 50 kgs and below. And I gained weight a little more when I started working. I’m not the type of person who would weigh myself much so when I was in the gym with Shaheeda, an ex colleague, I was mortified to see that I was almost reaching 55 kgs.

Nice what, Marina. You look more voluptuous. Voluptuous? Me? I couldn’t believe my ears.

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Angelina Jolie is voluptious

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Monica Bellucci is voluptious

Me? I had to do a scientific comparison.

Before : Fresh faced Marina of the year 2001

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After : Slightly older, heavier, chubbier, world weary Marina circa 2005

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It’s funny. After years of being teased a “stick” or “crane” and other representation of thinness, I’d be called “voluptuous” It was too surreal.

You look healthier! Geri insisted. The first time when I met you, you looked so skinny, it didn’t look healthy.

Hmm … Ok then. I still have two kilograms more before I start becoming overweight. Lets see what the fasting month of Ramadhan will do to me.

Was snapping a few pictures in Shuqun and thought I’d share some of my snaps :

Which I desecrated to become :

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See what idle hands and boredom do?

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Cartcart and me watching the sunset, overlooking the sea, at our Secondlife house. I’ve been trying to repress myself and not to think too much of our happy times. Because the more I think about it, there more I’ll miss our times together and the more I’d pine myself. It’ll only make me feel miserable.

I want to be better. To make myself better. And now, the more I realise about the importance of future and thinking ahead. Who doesn’t want to have a better life? My life plan right now, is self improvement. I must stop being so irresponsible. Don’t like something? Just do something about it.

But I have also to have patience and to never give up and to always keep the light alive for those dark nights.

Its all in the mind … Its all in the mind … Its all in the mind …