Will I ever reach my dreams?

I have something to confess.

I didn’t do all that great while in school.

Wow, what an old picture, I dont even remember many of the names of my classmates

When I was in secondary school, I was extremely involved with my extra curricular activities. I was in the choir, the girl guides, the English drama club and a member of the student council and I didn’t have the time to revise and had to repeat an extra year.

And when I was in high school, despite all advice given, I decided to take the science stream, rather than what I was familliar with. I reasoned with myself that I’d have more choices of courses when I graduate. But my artistic mind could not cope with the utilitarian subjects. In the end, I flunked before I can reach my final year. I never did my A levels at all.

I remember someone who told me that all the doors are closed for me, to entering university. That it was the end of the road for me.

Was I ashamed?

Definitely.

There I was, older than most of my classmates when I should have been promoted. I felt inadequate.

At my age, I should have started on higher learning. I see my peers making it, when I kept asking myself, “Why not me?”

But at the time, I could not see myself going on. I gave up my battle and went on to study IT and then started working to where I am at today. I pushed away all thoughts of high school.

Pretty

Fast forward to 2005, I saw an advertisment for the Singapore Airlines stewardess position. Having wanting to be one during my teenage days, I scrutinised the requirements.

They required a minimum of A levels! I was shell shocked! I decided to do something about my lack of credentials. I wanted to challenge myself to see if I still had it in me to be a stewardess before I hit 30.

But every private institution that I know of were extremely expensive. I could not afford them.

Coincidentally, at the time, my cousin Hizam, recommended me to take up the night classes at ITE as he was taking up the courses there too.

My General Paper Class with Mr Chako, Oct 2006

Taking up the course, I was grateful for the subsidized education, being of a person with limited resources. I could not understand why there wasn’t more people signing up for these courses. The lecturers were just as or even more experienced and qualified as the ones from the private institution.

When I finally took my A level exam in December 2006, I had a sinking feeling that I wouldn’t do well. I really didn’t have the time to revise. It was extremely challenging to work and study at the same time.

Just recently, we received our results. I only had 1A and 3AO passes. That wasn’t good enough to enter university. I got moody for a couple of days.

But after a while, I thought to myself. ‘I managed to get that results without studying, imagine what will happen if I took the exams the next time. I never did take the A levels prior to this.

ITE isnt offering any more A level night classes from 2008 onwards

I surfed through the ITE website again and noticed that they will not be continuing with their A level courses any-more starting from 2008. It’s such a shame that the public now has no subsidized education. But it was understandable. There wasn’t that much demand for it, moreover, the syllabus will be changed in 2008.

I took it as a sign.

After much contemplation, I think I will take the A levels again. I can make it! I know I can.

I’ve long abandoned my desire to be a flight stewardess. Now I realise that I have a calling for the arts. It just has been dormant for a very long time. I really want my Humanties Degree. Truely. And I really want this with my heart and soul.

Maybe this is like my riding license. I never made i the first time, but my deep desire to ride a scooter pulled me through, and I never gave up. Now I’m a proud owner of the scooter of my dreams.

Baby Scooter and me

I think if one really desires for something, whatever it can be, they should just persevere and carry on till they get it.

I will do it. I will persevere.

p.s

I think I should be taking SATs too, to increase my chances of entering the university. Gosh, take a look at these sample questions. They are so simple, that even *I* can do it.

A special lottery is to be held to select the student who will live in the only deluxe room in a dormitory.

There are 100 seniors, 150 juniors, and 200 sophomores who applied.

Each senior’s name is placed in the lottery 3 times; each junior’s name, 2 times; and each sophomore’s name, 1 time. What is the probability that a senior’s name will be chosen?

Hey, I did this ultra fun VRML thing for cybertown, it dances and stuff :D

That’s secondary school maths level! Peanuts man. Just peanuts. 😀

6 wierd things about me

I’m not really fond of tags. But I’m only doing this because I like you, Myztika 😛

Here are 6 wierd things about me:

1. I have an over expressive face

The many faces of marina

I don’t know if its a good thing or a bad thing that I can do that, sometimes even without realising it.

2. Sometimes when I’m stressed, I break out in a song

LA LA LA LA!

3. I can fall asleep anywhere.

Ok, blame it on my brother who thinks it is funny to take a pic of me sleeping

Busses, trains, cars, while talking to a friend, you name it.

4. I don’t feel comfortable if I dont have any reading material while eating

5. I buy new shoes but end up wearing the old one.

Can you believe that I've never ever worn this since buying this in May 2006?

And I end up wearing my old one till they get scruffy and unwearable and then they go to shoe heaven.

By the way, I am a shoe killer. Come on and read about it here and here

6. I can get impulsive.

I like to do things on the spur of the moment. I’ll go explore abandoned buildings if I feel like it. I’ll try new dishes just for the fun of it. Sometimes I think thats the reason why I get into trouble.

And I tag

  1. No one
  2. No one
  3. No one
  4. No one
  5. No one
  6. No one

I’m such a spoilsport. Hehehe!

I’m getting married!

I’m getting married! I’m getting married! I’m getting married!

Well, I think I’m getting married.

Every now and then, I’d ask Cart, “When are you going to marry me?” and he’d give the same answer, “You know our issues. I’ll marry you now if it werent for that“.

Cart and I have different religious beliefs. In our situation, marriage would not be legal unless one of us converts. But faith isn’t something that can be forced upon. This isn’t easy. But I have faith that eventually we’ll be together.

Recently I asked him again.

Me : So, when are you going to marry me?

(Fully expecting the same answer)

Cart: Whenever you want

Me: We’ll get married on the 18th December. That’s a special day for me.

(Thats the date when we became partners in secondlife)

Cart: Hmm … that’s too early, it clashes with my vacation days

(Completely flummoxed upon realising that he’s being serious)

Me: Huh? You’re really going to do it? Really? Really Really?

Cart: I could. You’ll have to tell me exactly what will happen.

Me: You mean the customs?

Cart: Yes, I’d like to have an idea of what will happen. I’d also like to find a job for you here. I want you to have a good life”

Ok, so he didn’t propose. But that still counts as a proposal right?

my pretend engagement ring

And yet, there is this nagging feeling if I’ll ever adjust to life over in Rome. Maybe its time for me to stop lurking and start posting at the Singapore Brides forum.

Learning Italian for dummies (like me)

Marina's new contact lenses

Since meeting cart, I’ve been trying for some while to learn the Italian language. It not so bad when Cart is around since we both could communicate in English. But it was kind of awkward when trying to communicate to his friends.

Most of them were as fluent in English as I was in Italian. So while they were deep in their animated conversation, I had to poke cartcart, “Psst .. what are they talking about?”

I think one of the more perplexing moment was the time when I met Cart’s family. When we arrived, all I could manage was, ‘Buona Sera’ (Good Evening). I greeted everyone, till I heard a chuckle and Cart conveyed to me, “She’s asking if that’s the only phrase that you know.”

I was a bit embarrassed.

Cart’s mom started asked questions about me. I had so much to tell them! But I couldn’t. My grasp of the language was extremely rudimentary. After a while, it became a little cumbersome to let Cart play the role of the translator. I think he got dizzy at our incessant questions.

So I just sat there quietly, smiled, nodded my head and pretended to be silent and wise.

Later on, I thought I’d be clever and use some gestures. Sign language are universal, after all. But after a while, I realise that the gestures that we commonly use, might not have the same meaning overseas.

I remember or Oh no?
In Singapore this will mean, ‘Oh no!’, while over there it would be, ‘Ah I remember!’

Beat up or lets do it?
Here, this is a sign that you want to beat up that person, while there, it would mean, ‘Lets do it!’

Not to say that I havent been trying to learn the language. So far I’ve been using several language software which I borrowed from the library.

I like the Rosetta Stone as it is immersive:

pic of rosetta stone software

The entire lesson is in Italian, it will ask you a phrase and you pick the right frame. I think its great for beginners because it is very easy to understand and pick up visually.

I also like the flash cards for Italian before you know it:

pic of before you know it software

Its abit of rote learning which forces you to type in the right answer. It can get frustrating at times, but its a tried and true method which will improve the vocabulary.

I’m not too fond of the I can speak Italian by Transparent:

Is not newbie friendly

It’s not very newbie friendly. When I started the lesson, the words used were way over my head. I didn’t have the motivation to continue with the lessons. I think its more suitable for more advanced students.

Using software is definitely useful but I think there is something lacking. For me, human interaction where one can do actual conversation with another person is very important.

Initially, my friend Narima and me contemplated registering with the Italian Cultural Institute where we will be taught by qualified native Italian speakers.

But I balked when I calculated the total cost – it was nearly $500! I am sure that the teachers there are fantastic, but the price was abit much.

Then one day, I surfed the People’s Association website. I don’t quite remember when I signed up for their online newsletter, but each month, I’d have updates about interesting courses that they were conducting. Having attended one of their course, I was quite impressed at the quality workshops that they had for a discounted price.

I did a search for Italian and to my rapture, I saw that there actually was an Italian Language course. The only center that conducted the lessons was at Tampines, which is quite far since I live on the other side of Singapore. Thank goodness for my scooter! It didn’t take more than 30 mins to ride there.

My first lesson there was great. Though the teacher isnt a native Italian, having lived, worked and attained a diploma in Italy, she was more than competent in teaching us.

pic of a lesson

I am in a very lively class with friendly classmates. We’d make mistakes sometimes, but we laugh at our mistakes. The teacher is cheerful that it was such joy learning in the lessons. I can interact and practise with my classmates and the teacher – something that I dont think softwares can replace.

I’ve been to my fifth lesson so far. I wouldn’t say that my Italian is that great, but I feel a bit more confident as compared to that time when I met Cart’s family. Now I don’t have to pretend to be silent and wise anymore 😛

If you’re keen on learning, I’d urge you to try the community centers. The next Italian course is coming up. I’m definitely signing up for level 2 at the end of my current one 🙂

By the way, here are some great supplementary sites which I highly recommend:

And before I go, there is a segment in the Italian phasebook that I was reading earlier where there some suggestive phrases that you could use.

The idea of whipping out the book when one is heavily making out is particularly funny to me.

The Kid’s Central Kid audition

Sure was a lot of people queuing up for the Kids Central auditions. It felt like Singapore Idols all over again, except for the contestants being in their tweens.

pic of the mediacorp bestway building

My sister, Diana persuaded me to send her to Mediacorp, Bestway Building where she was to have her auditions. I think that it would be a good experience, just to try something new.

The queue of people snaked all the way till the carpark. There were fidgety kids everywhere. Some started to fidget in the warm, sunny afternoon. Diana was given a queue number and a piece of script to memorize and she sat down at the final line.

pic of the hopefuls

After what seemed to have taken ages, she came out of the audition room.

“How was it?” I asked

“It was ok. But I waited for hours just to be auditioned for 5 minutes! And they didn’t even ask me why I wanted to be a host. They just told me to read the script, that’s all!”

“Were you nervous?”

“Not really”

“And then what?”

“They will let me know if I make it to the next round in 2 weeks time by phone”

All the best to you Diana. Whether you get through or not is not important. You’ll always stay a bubbly, fun and zesty person 🙂

Happy thinking day!

This morning, I noticed that Shirlyn, one of the staff in the school was donning on her ranger uniform. A ranger is a mentor for the girl guides – an association which I joined when I was in my teens.

Pic of rangers, guides and brownies

How odd“, I thought to myself. “Its not an activity day today, so why is she putting that on?”

And then I remembered that today is February the 22nd. Thinking day! Today is the day to remember about sister guides and brother scouts all over the world. Today is also a day in rememberance of the founder, Lord Baden Powell and Lady Baden Powell.

Wow. Loads of nostalgia there.

I first joined the association as a brownie, at about 9 years old. I’m not exactly sure what drew me, but I really enjoyed the activities that we did. I remembered that at the end of every meeting, we gathered round in a circle and sang this adorable song.

It went something like:

“Those born in January. Go home go home go home”
“Those born in February. Go home go home go home”

And it goes all the way to December. When your birth month is called out, you’d step to the front. I’d always step up when August is called.

I had so much fun that naturally, I continued to be a Guide when I started secondary school. We learnt loads of survival skills like map reading, knot tying (useful to make furniture out of sticks and pitching tents) as well as leadership skills.

Yes, I'm the one with the glasses

I really felt a connection with nature when we went to camp – it was one of those days when I felt empowerment. I had to pitch my own tent to sleep in, and traverse the jungle.

It was such great times.

Unfortunately, I’m still horrible at map reading. Which explains why I can still get lost even with the street directory with me.

Anyway, just for fun I tried on something I havent worn for a very long time.

Oh my!

Tada!

I cant believe it still fits.

The mind is a powerful tool

Has anyone read the book, ‘The hidden messages in water’ by Dr Masaru Emoto?

In this book, he writes about his experiments using water from various sources. He directs thoughts and feelings at the sample of water before freezing them and then observing the water crystals.

The results are really fascinating. Here are some of them:

thank you
Thank You

love and appreciation
Love and Appreciation

you make me sick
You make me sick, I will kill you

Hitler
Adolph Hitler

Because our bodies are made up of approximately 70% water, Dr Masaru Emoto believes that human thoughts, will affect a person, depending it be positive or negative.

That is the power of the inner power that each of us have, just by thought alone.

I’m usually a sceptical person. Though I may not believe Dr Emoto a hundred percent, I do believe that the mind is a very powerful tool and that there are many things that we have not tapped yet. We’ve recently discovered speed reading, accelerated learning and mental power. I am sure that with time, we will discover new things.

Imagine the things we could do in the future.

Fascinating. Just fascinating.

How do LDR work?

<emo>

pic of a yellow chrysanthemum.jpg

How do they do it? The people in successful long distance relationships, having their ‘happily ever after’. What makes it so easy for them to just jump into a whole new world?

I feel like I’m in the middle of the road, stuck and unable to move forward. I can’t jump like these people. Maybe it is because of my deep attachment here, to my family, my friends … I’d be leaving life as I know it.

But at the same time, I don’t think I can stand seeing him just once every 6 months – To feel so happy when I am with him but comes pure anguish when its time to leave. My heart breaks and a part of me dies.

It’s a horrible feeling and it doesn’t take valentines day to remind me that my partner isn’t here with me. I think about it every single day. There are some moments when I feel so lonely and helpless that I lie sobbing in bed.

I am amazed at how painful it can feel. I never imagined that this feeling could be so powerful, almost physical. And sometimes I wonder how it would be like if we never met, perhaps we won’t have this heartache that we are feeling right now.

But then again, if we never met, we’d never experience our love and care for each other.

Long distance relationship isn’t the easiest relationship to be in. Many of them don’t work out in the end. Some of these couples find it extremely challenging. How do a person tend a relationship when the partner is so far away?

The thing that I have right now is hope. But I want for us to move forward. But I don’t seem to see any paths ahead … Every route seems so hazy in front of me.

</emo>

O level results.

pic of students before the announcements

It was the day of the O level results. Graduated students returned back to their schools to see how they fared. One could see it in their faces on how they fared.

Some were estatic. This girl here made it to the polytechnics.

estatic

Some shed tears of joy. This young man seemed shocked that he was able to qualify for polytechnic too. I think he wasnt confident on the O level examinations.

tears of joy

Some were visibly upset. This girl didnt do so badly, but I think she’s being hard on herself as she didnt attained the marks she set for herself.

estatic

The A level results should be coming up soonafter. I wonder how that’ll turn out.

wonder

I think I’ll just push it at the back of my head :/

Updated : For those googling about the November 2007 O level results, it will be on this thursday, 24th January 2008.