Diary of a Singaporean now living in Rome, Italy
Siti Nurhaliza, 27, a prominent Malaysian artist is to wed businessman, Datuk Khalid Mohammad Jiwa, 47, on the 21st August 2006. Siti says that she is attracted to him because of his love towards his children.
Question
If he truely loves his children, would he divorce his previous wife so readily and get into the new marriage just a month or two after the divorce?
I feel that school is one of the experiences in life when it is fun and enjoyable.
True, that it can get stressful, during examinations and tests. But in the daily life of a student, one meets their fellow friends, have laughs together, confide with each other, share and experience scenarios together.
One of my more memorable incidents would usually be revolving on schools.
I’ve come to appreciate schools and education more lately, ever since I’ve been taking up night classes. And having to struggle and juggle between work and studies.
It isnt easy.
Just the other day, one of my tutors commented that, from what he heard from the institution, the prices for night classes might increase the following year. From the current $90 per subject, the candidate would have to pay $300 instead.
Economic factors aside, there is still into consideration of the time factor, trying to manage your life between work then night classes and then between social, I dont really get to see much of my family as I wanted to as they would usually be asleep once I reach home from class and morning is a hectic period of everyone rushing to school/work.
It isnt easy. Its a struggle, yes, but its something that I’d have to go through for the next few months so that I could step up a little bit higher.
So it makes me sad to see that many of our youths today not appreciating the things that they have and them taking things for granted. Even worse, believing that they are the emperors of the world.
I was installing some softwares in the computer lab the other day, when a class of students streamed in and proceeded to make noise, chew gum, surf the net, play games, scold vulgarities, even wrestle and everything except the task that they were supposed to do.
It was only till about 15 minutes before the class ended, that they remembered what their task was and by then it would be a mess with many of them asking each clueless person on how to complete their task.
There are many wonderful and good students around.
Unfortunately there are just as many recalcitants. Just walk around any neighbourhood school and observe. You can see the types. They swagger when they walk, their coarse language, the pants which are so loose that it hangs dangerously at the edge of the hips.
It makes me wonder on how and the reasons why rebellion happens to youths.
Parents having no time for their child as they are busy working?
Too little love and attention? (or even too MUCH love and attention?)
Peer pressure?
No corporal discipline in schools?
Unaware of what independent life?
I think a large part of it lies in our own culture itself. We are already turning into an unfeeling and care-less society. And the source of that lies in the way that we are governed.
We are expected to always be the best, to have the best marks, the best food, first in line, best clothes … and this has brought this “ME first” mentality to people living here.
There’s no point in pointing the fingers to anyone now. Its already been inbued in us.
At the same time, doesnt mean that we should just give up though. We should live with honour and gentle dignity. We will have fun and cheer with grace. We will live as exemplary as possible.
But one person cant do it alone. Come on everyone … lets help each other …
Pay it forward works. But dont let the chain break
My cousin Sheeda and her new husband came over today, along with her mum and dad. It was a Malay custom to visit their relatives after their wedding.
All the afternoon, my family and I poured over the beautiful wedding pictures and wedding videos that they brought along with them.
Such a beautiful couple.
With that in mind, many well meaning people tend to ask me, when would I be getting married.
I really dont know.
To me marriage is something sacred. Marriage isnt just about cohabitation. Its about making a promise to each other. A vow between two people to care, to protect and to love each other.
When I get married, if God willing, it is forever. Marriage is a serious sanction. I wouldnt want to have my vows crumble in 10 years? 5 years? A year? Even less?
People who get hitched in the spur of the moment wake up to their partners, and finding that they have ‘compatability issues’ as well as ‘irreconciliable differences’
Do I want to risk that? No
Do I want to get married? Of course
I’d like to take care of my partner. I’d like to have children too.
But at the same time, I’d like my partner to know and understand where I’m coming from, my beliefs and my ideas while I try to share his before we jump into matrimony.
Do you really want me and my future partner to be in a marriage that we’d be unhappy in?
Marriage – Its not that simple.
In mathematics, there is something which is called the ‘Probability Tree’ in which it measures what your chances and odds are in a situation.
If you dont do something, there will be a fair chance that something else will happen as a result.
—
Back in Jurong Institute, there was this boy which I was friends with. We both met as we were both from the science stream and would share the same lecture so eventually it would be inevitable that it would be that we stop for a while and talk about school matters.
I liked to go to class a little bit early to recollect my thoughts and to get ready for the day. One fine day, he joined me and accompanied me. From that point onwards, it became a daily routine. I’d meet him in class in the morning, and we’d talk about all sorts of things.
“Look at this assignment Mar, do you remember what Mr Cheong said?”
(Someone opens the grill windows)
“Argh! The sun’s shining on me. I cant see!”
“Aha! God’s shining on you! You’re the chosen one!”
“Hahaha! I’m the chosen one? Chosen for being a slave in class you mean”
I’ve always liked reading poetry. I dont know if he picked up on that, but there was a time when he’d bring a book of poetry for me to read. It was full of sad poetry but I remember being impressed because no one ever did something like that for me.
Then he started to wait for me after school to take me home which I thought was such a nice gesture. And I went back together in complete and full oblivion that maybe perhaps, he actually liked me.
But I didnt know about it. I wasnt aware. There was a time when he asked me to meet him at the library to pass him some malay language notes. It was so hillarious. I waited, saw him coming and said “Here’s the notes you wanted. Got to go now. Bye!”
It took me a couple of years later to actually understand that he was actually trying to ask a date from me! How naive and straight minded I was at the time. (But why cant some guys be more direct about things? If you wanted a date, say that you wanted a date, not say that you wanted some set of notes and then expect us to decipher what you are talking about)
But the routine carried on, we’d meet in class before school started, he waited for me at the bus stop, I guess by then, I took it for granted that I’d have someone to talk to and to confide to. I told him that I admired another guy from the arts class. He nodded his head in his usual quiet demenour and that was that.
My best friend Pam was having her birthday party and she invited her close friends. Her birthday coincided with my month so we decided to have a joint event. It seemed that he gave me complete attention during the occasion. He gave me a stuffed bunny (I still keep it for the good memories)
Suddenly Siva, my classmate blurted out.
Siva : Prove your devotion to Marina!
Him : Dont put fire to the oil.
It was then that I was jolted out of my oblivion. Devotion? Put fire to the oil? Whats going on? Is there a story that I wasnt aware of? What what what?
—
The end of the year, he left for Turkey for a vacation and when he came back he acted much much cooler than how he was to me before.
“Hi, how was your trip to Turkey?”
“It was alright”
“What did you see there?”
“Loads of stuff”
Slowly our friendship drifted apart as he went to do his own things and I continued with mine. I see alot of similarities in his character with my dearest. He was sweet, a gentleman, polite and very kind. Never once was he ever mean to me or said anything hurtful.
Sometimes I wonder alot what would happen if I had chosen the other path. If I had stayed a while longer with him instead of just handing him the pile of notes. To actually realise what he was trying to say to me. For us to actually be more than friends.
Will we be together? Will we eventually be married? Will I have kids with him? Will I be happy?
I’m not sure if he’d be reading this blog but if he was …
Dear Halim,
I still wonder how you are and what you are doing now. How are you? Thank you for the wonderful memories that you gave me. Thank you for being the kind and sweet person that you are and for the attention that you gave me. It really did made me feel special.
I’m sorry that I was such a blur-sotong at the time. Actually I did have a little inkling, but I was secretly hoping that you’d asked me anyways. It would have made it more concrete.
But we were young … But I still wonder about the different possibilities that could have been …
I’m sure by now you’ve probably have a wonderful lady friend to accompany you. Maybe you’re married and have kids now even. If so, congratulations! I’m happy for you. How is she treating you?
Here is my sincere hope that you’ve gotten what you’ve always aimed and achieved. Life is such a vast puzzle.
Fondly remembering you,
Marina
It seems like time is passing by so quickly more so than ever. I wake up in the morning and head to work and before you know it, the day is over already and I’m back home again.
I hypothesied that “Time is proportionate to age. The older you are, the faster time passes by”
Unfortunately, I was standing next to Chan, a mathematics teacher who was sitting closeby started to debate about how flawed my hypothesis was.
Chan : Time doesnt go faster as you grow older! You just feel that it goes faster as you have more work to do.
The only way when time can go faster is when you go against the speed of light! Einstein already stated in his theory of relativity that if you want to go against the speed of light, your mass has to decrease while your volume increase which is impossible!
Thus time can never go faster. It is always constant. Time is always 24 hours a day. If time were faster, we would have 23 hours or less in a day.
Me : But Chan, time *is* going faster. You do know that there is evidence that the black hole is pulling the solar system closer.
That in turn, already disbalances the entire timeframe and effects the rotational spin of the planet. That would definitely affect time.
I think we must have argued debated some more for a little while. It surprises me how lively I get into these type of discussions when I keep failing my physics and maths (back in my schooldays)
Why do you think about the relationship between time and age?
Update :
Cartcart : If time itself was actually slowing down or going fast, we couldn’t even notice it. It’s all about our PERCEPTION of time.
Our perception is that time goes faster because of a given while, let’s say 1 year, is a lesser fraction of our lived time so far.
Like, when you are 5 years old, 1 year is 1/5 of your life
when you are 60 years old, 1 year is 1/60 of your life
Hence, you see it flowing fast. This has nothing to do with actual time speed – that thing doesn’t even exists since time is used to define speed.
If the whole universe goes on faster, our brain is included. and we can’t notice any difference
The best statement I’ve heard today was by Sin
Time doesnt go faster! You’re just slow!
Ok fine. My hypothesis isnt valid then.
Back to the drawing board I go.
Oh Zuji! Oh Zuji!
Oh how you annoy me!
You promised me, my refund
In 3 weeks, you said, it shall come
But is almost a month already
And I still dont see my money
So how on earth can I go to Italy?
This is really not funny
I wish I was rich
Then I wouldnt act like such a
Till then I have this stitch
In my heart, its more than just an itch
Sigh.
I planned to go to see my dearest again for vacation in June and I’ve been scouring around for different places that have competitive prices.
After going to the Natas fair (where the tickets are sold out) and then Using Fare.net (they dont have tickets for the dates where I want to go) I then decided to use Zuji.
On the 27th of March, I booked a ticket with Zuji but after being acknowledged that they do not accept my KLM voucher, I quickly cancelled the booking. They still deducted money on my card anyway on Friday and I had no way to stop the transaction.
After a call from the customer service, a lady informed me that my money will arrive in about 7 – 10 days and I waited patiently even though I was pretty nerve wrecked with the increasing of ticket prices with time.
After two weeks, I called up the customer service again. They said this time that I will take 3 weeks from the date of cancellation. They even assured me that the finance department is handling the matter and then abruptly put down the phone.
To date, I still dont have my money.
And guess what?
The prices for plane tickets to Rome now is getting more and more extravagant.
I’m really not happy with the fact that:
a) Zuji couldnt be bothered to tell me the exact date when I will get my refund. If the customer service would tell me that it would take *that* long for the refund to arrive, I wouldnt have cancelled the booking. I would have stayed and wouldnt be so emotionally nerve wrecked by the whole experience.
b) That airplane prices are really going up so high. Just a few days difference could mean a difference in hundreds of dollars! Just a month ago, airfrance was just $900 compared to now which is $1400
c) That I made hasty decisions like this and this in turn effects everything. Why cant I just decide on one thing and then just be happy with it. Instead I still want to look for other alternatives.
Sigh.
I wish I was rich. Then I wouldnt have to worry about petty things like these. But I’m not. Oh gosh. After the payments for everything. I feel so dry right now.
Me angry! Me want smash your face!
Somewhere on the abandoned planet of laptopia …
What will happen to our heroes? Tune in next time to … bricks in space!
—
Do you ever had one of those days when you just have one of those unexplained, “not good” feelings? I must have experienced one of my panic attacks again yesterday after being feeling overwhelmed by alot of different factors again.
Zuji still hasnt given me my refund (thats a whole months pay for me!)
Airplane tickets has already increased
Payment for my examination fees is already here
I’ve to pay for my geography tuition
And then payments for the economics additional group tuition
Costs for books is surprisingly expensive
My classmate Jaslyn got pepper sprayed on her face and then robbed
My dearest had his car broken in and his laptop stolen
Workload at work is as hectic as ever
Oh my heart cant take it. Thus, the overwhelming feeling and the panic attack again. But I have to keep myself focused on what I’m doing all these for. Its not easy to reach for for our goal and many a times we’ll face hurdles and some of us give up. But if one truely desires for something, one must persevere.
7 more months … 7 more months and I will be free …
—
I dont know why but I found this funny:
On realisation that it was the time of the month and having no supplies ready, I turned to ask my friend
Me : Psst! Do you have a pad?
She : Oh no, my dog died.
—
Went kayaking with my mum and brother today at the beautiful, newly opened Jurong Lake park. That was a whole load of fun! Initially mum was so afraid of falling in the water while in the kayak but after a short while, she really enjoyed herself pedalling smoothly in the lake that when the time was up, she didn’t even want to leave!
I really like kayaking. It probably started in Outward Bound School I think. One try and I really liked it. One of the more memorable experiences that I had was during the trip to Thailand with my best friends Juli and Hema. We went through mangrove swamps and the open sea and the experience really felt like a discovery channel show with all the nature that we saw.
Hema and guide in the front kayak with me and Juli at the back I miss this. I’d love to go again
Will there be a kayaking club in Jurong, I wonder? The instructors didn’t say, but I think it would be lovely to have one on lakeside, with all the unused water catchment area. I’d join in a heartbeat!
—
Night classes has been interesting. It was lovely to see some friendly faces but that nervous feeling is there. The feeling of unpreparedness, especially after one economics class when the tutor asked us a question and I just sat there feeling very blank.
I turn around to the person behind me.
“I don’t know how to do this. How do you answer it?”
“Oh, when the marginal propriety consumption goes up, the marginal propriety savings goes down. Thus, in the graph, it shifts up and the consumption graph, it pivots. Pretty easy right?”
“Huh? Err .. yeah, yeah yeah … easy …”
Just what the heck are you talking about?
I really need to buck up. I’m just too tired to do anything. Is it possible to have a burnout before anything even started?
My night classes started already and I was very pleased to see that the General Paper lecturer that taught me last year, Mr Chako, was the one who will be guiding us again this year. There seemed to be just a handful of my previous classmates joining in this year. Majority of them, I’m seeing them for the first time.
Some of them were A level retakers, I realised. The mood was casual, however, I could sense that it was a tinge more serious as compared to last years where there were more happy-go-lucky people.
I am surprised that the ITE department allocated us to the 4th level instead of the 1st level where we were used to. Apparantly, the students at Monks Hill Secondary School, the school where we used for night studies, complained that the classes were always in a dirty state when they come back to school the next day.
I wasnt pleased at having to climb up so much staircase after a hard days work. It was tiring having to go for a one hour bus journey and then walking such a long distance from the bus stop to the school. But what made me extremely displeased was that there were no proper facilities on the 4th floor. There isnt any projector where the lecturer could use to give his demonstrations.
It felt discriminatory.
I’m quite appalled that the school would do that. I can vouch for myself that the classes that I passed by had no evidence of being littered nor messed up.
The least that the principal could do was to at least give a warning before implementing such a harsh treatment like that. We’re paying students. Yes, I realise that we are heavily subsidized but the least we want is to have proper facilities for our lessons.
Sigh
But anyway, it was always an interesting lesson (as always) in which we discussed about the different reasons why people would commit euthanasia. He states 2 different examples:
Firstly, Ramon Sempedro, a Spanish man whom became completely immobile from the neck down due to a diving accident. For 27 years, he enjoyed the support from his family and friends and kept his mind sharp through reading, but finally succumed to depression and wanted to die with dignity.
Secondly, was an exerp from S. Rajaratnam, a former previous deputy minister of Singapore, who recently passed away, wrote:
“This brings me to the question of human rights. The list of rights is growing, but one important right is absent from the list – the right to die with dignity. Neither law, the Constitution, nor even the United Nations Charter of Human Rights makes any reference to a human being’s right to die without indignity and with the least possible pain. Dying should not be prolonged torture”
To what extent does committing suicide be justifiable?
—
I’ve been stressed out trying to book a plane ticket all week now. Fare.net finally responded to my email but I couldnt get to the discounted Emirates flight that I wanted as they claimed that it was fully booked and adviced me to book a higher priced plane ticket with another company. So I called up some agencies from the namecards that I acquired from the Natas fair and guess what was the response?
“Sorry, we dont cater to airline plane ticket sales”
Huh? But the salesperson at the counter at the Natas fair said …
Then I finally gave up. Fine. I’ll use Zuji again. And then I booked a flight with KLM and then I realised that KLM gave me a voucher last year. I’m sure I could use this and so I called up the Customer service. Only to find out that they dont accept vouchers and that If I wanted to do that, I had to book with the airline themselves.
So I quickly checked the KLM website. Guess what? The plane ticket dropped from the initial $1.2k to $950! I was fuming! And my heart palpitations started again …
Cancel my booking! I dont want anymore!
And I quickly tried to do a reservation with KLM instead. But they couldnt process the transaction. Zuji still kept my money and they will only refund it back in 7 working days. In the meantime, I cant do anything with my money being stuck and I dare not spend anymore money with my examination fees, my tuition fees and other payments that I had to do …
O I’m so stressed. Whats wrong with airline agencies? Why do they pressurise me so? This must be some kind of devious torture for us to want to book the ticket fast but dangle a carrot every now and then with a cheaper plane ticket.
O my heart … be still. You’ve been beating so fast, a Bollywood MTV couldnt catch up.
Sigh
Anyway, something nice did happen this week. Sujimi, a former newsreader and currently a producer for the tv show, Hanyut, a reality tv drama came over to the workplace. He did an interesting talk and a demonstration for the students. I quickly asked for a picture before he ran away for his next appointment.
How come celebrities seem to always come when I’m in my glasses and looking very mousy?!?!
To whom it may concern,
I came across with interest with the advertisements that you have publicised in the mass media recently about the Miss Tourism competition that you are organizing. I perked up with complete rapture at the host’s voice asking me saucily, “Do YOU have it takes to represent Singapore as tourism ambassador”
Okay, so I’m slightly shorter than 1.65m as what the terms and conditions specified and that my body shape would most definitely not put me in the modelesque category and neither do I have the fair caucasian skin that talent scouts are always fawning about.
But why vote for an ambassador based upon by how they physically look like?
Everyone here is special, and everyone has their own experiences that are special. Having lived here all my life, I’ve formed bonds with people here. I’ve experienced different cultures. And I’ve walked in the different senses that is unique to this country.
Every few weeks I find the simple joys of exploring Singapore and see what different things that there are in this country. We may be small, but there are always interesting people and things to see if you search well enough.
Without the need to resort to using famous television actors nor singers or models, there are already many fascinating real life people here. Like the Indian uncle with the cool long beard who makes delicious teh tarik, or the friendly Chinese man who would chat with you while you order a potong ice cream from him on a blazing hot day. The interesting auntie that shows you how to handcrafts slippers using tiny beads.
The esplanade is a gorgeous and beautiful monument. Sentosa is a lovely sunny island getaway. But there are also beauty in the simple things, like the coffee-shop that we visit. There you see people of different creeds having their communal breakfast together and you close your eyes and hear different accents and bustling sounds of the atmosphere in the morning.
I’ve experienced joy, gratitude, remourse, excitement, sadness … and a whole load of phetora of being a citizen here. And like everyone else, I struggle … like every one of us, we struggle to reach our goal, our hopes, our dreams.
Since my mother has been more active in attending different community events, I’ve come to appreciate things that I would have never noticed before. The people, the festivals and the joys.
So I refuse parade in a bikini. Thats my freedom of choice. So I have a distaste of having a fake smile and posing like an insipid living doll like what I’ve failed to avoid to see on TV mobile – The Miss Universe pageant. Just seeing these contestants smiling vapidly, beckoning viewers to “Vote for me” sends a chill down my spine.
Why is it so wrong to have a more regular, person to represent? Why is it so wrong to have someone from the heartlands?
So you say that these beautiful vapid dolls will attract more demographics. But you have to remember that beauty is only skin deep and what makes a person is their character, their knowledge and their experiences.
I don’t believe that any one of the current contestant have the passion nor the dedication to ‘represent’. Maybe I could be wrong about that but till the day when I see the chosen delegate doing anything significant to promote tourism, I’ll still be firm in my stand.
Excuse me for being insolent while I look with helpless dismay on our passionless future ambassador.