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Lost expectations

In an office, somewhere in Singapore … a woman gets an sms …

Julisms : Oh so sad. Boon died

What? Oh my gosh! Hong Boon died? What? Cannot be! He’s too young to die! He was my classmate! He sat right next to me! He helped me in maths! This must be a joke right? This cannot be true! What? What? What?

Gone too early … This is so sad … how did it happen? What? Oh my gosh. I dont believe it. No no no no no

Poor Hong Boon 🙁


Hong Boon, top right corner

Marinasms : What? Who told you this?

Julisms : Huh? I’m watching lost episode 18.

Doh

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Came back from registering for a Singpass account from the Taman Jurong community center and logged in the Singapore Examination Website to register for the A level examination online.

And now I’m kind of stumped on which 3 papers to choose

Paper 01 Shakespeare and other authors (pre-twentieth century)
Paper 02 18th and 19th century writing
Paper 03 Twentieth century writing
Paper 04 Topic paper (books in)
Paper 05 Open texts (books in)
Paper 08 Comment and appreciation (unseens)

Arrghh! I think I’ll choose 1, 3 and 8. Hmm …

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Starting on my night class soon!

I feel kind of nervous now. My classmate, Adi, just messaged me about how expensive the examination fees was and I went to look at the Singapore Examinations website myself.

A quick calculation showed that it would cost me about $650 dollars for the examination and surfing through the examination timetable, it looks like my entire November would be filled up with examinations. I am not sure if the company I’m working with would allow me to take so much time off.

That was quite expensive for since Adi and I, are not a high income earners. We really wouldn’t want to waste the money by squandering the time away.

I’m feeling nervous chiefly because I don’t feel so prepared and yet I’m putting in a lot of hope into this. I’d like to have a taste of what university life is like instead of just wishing about it.

There was once a time when someone said, the doors for entering university would be forever closed to me. At that time, I accepted it but now, I’d like to at least try. It makes me feel that my self-worth is higher. Society here doesn’t say it out directly, that “You’re stupid and unqualified to do many things”. But one can’t help to feel that way. With many decent jobs asking for at least a degree now. Even being a flight attendant in the Singapore Airlines require at least an A Level certification.

I’m taking my A Levels right now. At my age, I’m supposed to have completed my tertiary education already. And now I’m competing with people who are almost 10 years younger than I am. That puts me in quite a bit of pressure. I should do things so that I wont feel regret in the future, like next year in march when I receive the results.

Do a little bit that you dont like today, so you can enjoy what you like, tomorrow.

I’m starting to get overwhelmed and stressed. I feel the need to eat and eat and eat.

Anyhow, I registered for my classes yesterday at the Clementi ITE and I feel really thankful that there are institutions like these that gave subsidized education for the locals. I know that I’ve said this before but I really wished that there were more people whom would take it up. Even my brother asked me for recommendations for private A levels

Bro : Do you think that BMC is a good place to take private A levels? My friend says that it costs about $3500 to study there.

Me : BMC? Why go to BMC when you can go to ITE? Its cheaper there.

Bro : He says that there are not enough teachers in ITE

Me : Huh? When did he register?

Bro : Last month

Me : Last month? But registrations just started this week.

I haven’t been to BMC, personally but my experiences with private schools hasn’t been very positive, after going to informatics for my Diploma in Computer Science. Most of the instructors didn’t seem capable of teaching – all they did was to stand in front of the class and read from the text book and I wasn’t happy with that at all. The fees were atrocious at 5k for the diploma to 10k for the advanced diploma – so I expected quality teaching. I should have gone for the polytechnic education instead huh? Informatics was not only a waste of money, but also a waste of time too.

I’m not sure how the conditions are right now, maybe it has improved, judging from what friends say, but for now, I don’t think it’s wise to go to a private institution when a government subsidized one is actually better.

My registration for my classes went along speedily enough. It took me less than an hour to get everything done, the registration for the classes, the confirmation and the computerization and the payment. Everything was done quite professionally. Sure, the people serving me didn’t wear shirts and ties and coats. Sure the place wasn’t a 5-star building. But it was the friendly and helpful way that the people went about which is the most important thing.

My new classes starts on the 29th March, I’m so looking forward to starting my night classes again 🙂

Stopped by IMM shopping centre for a stroll and had to get myself an eye lubricant. My new contact lenses made my eyes feel dry. The right lens just popped out of my eye yesterday, literally! I’ve never had an encounter like that before with my previous contact lenses – putting it back in again without the solution was really quite uncomfortable. I’ll never forget to bring a mini bottle of solution in my travels again.

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I also went around looking for some shirts. Alas, I’ve grown bigger (due to binge eating due to stress) A lot of my clothes don’t fit me well now. So I went to Dano, after seeing how they are having a sale.

I tried on a pair of pants. There was a discount for their pants and I liked how the khaki pants looks so I went over to give it a try. I’m usually a size M, so I went to try that pair on and took size L just for good measure. I couldn’t get in size M, and I couldn’t even put size L over my thighs.

Ok fine.

I went out of the dressing room and took a pair of size XL. And it STILL wouldn’t go over my thighs! Finally I took size XXL. I managed to put it on, but it was so uncomfortable wearing it. It slung low over my hips. My thighs looked like sausages. I tried to imagine what I’d look like when I am sitting with that pants on. So I put my palms to my knees and bent forward.

Argh! The horror! No one wants to see that! No matter how attractive a woman is, unless they are in beachwear, seeing their crack is so repulsive. Argh! I’m not getting this pants! Never!

Anyway I don’t think Dano is suited for the average sized average women. I don’t think I am so large but a lot of the clothes here don’t fit me. So obviously, I didn’t buy a lot of things here. I just got for myself two white cotton tops due to the horrifyingly hot weather we are having right now and informed the nice (but super skinny) salesgirls there that the rest of the clothes couldn’t fit me.

Oh well.

Went to Minoshe for a bit to see what new lovelies that they had in store. And yes, as waste of money, but I just had to get yet another set of bra + panty + chemise

How could anyone not love this? So pretty. And it went for less than $50 dollars too. Cheaper than for just one triumph bra. While I LIKE triumph lingerie, it’s just too pricey for me)

I also saw this cool looking sun-dress that turns into a skirt when you take the straps off. So interesting. I so like the design



Photo-shopped to hide the messiness of my room

Okay, I think I’ll go and start the day now . Clean up my horrifyingly messy room, do a bit of ironing and then a bit of studying after that. Smooches everyone reading! 🙂

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The problems of wearing glasses and contact lenses

If you’re like me, you’d love parodies. Thank you youtube and MadTV! You’re a godsend!

By the way, today was the last day for the term 1 for schools in Singapore so the place where I worked at, let me knock off work a few hours earlier 🙂

It was a lovely day outside, albeit much too warm so I had a stroll and had a lovely lunch over at pizza hut. I’m liking the new stuff that they have :


Yum! I really liked the chicken roll. It reminded me of the burrito I had from Taco Bell a couple of years ago, only a little more crispier and a little bit more flavourful.

I endorse this product. As long as they don’t put wasabi in their pizza, pizza hut can do no wrong 🙂

Anyway I’ve been wearing my new pair contact lenses for about a week now and so far so good. My eyes feel a little dry though, so I guess I should get myself one of those eye drops.

A week ago, I stopped by an optometrist to get a bottle of solution for my old pair of contact lenses. Plus, it was reported that the Renu solution that I usually used is suspected to cause eye infections.

I saw that there was an offer for their contact lenses and decided to get myself a pair. Why not? My old pair of contact lenses was almost expiring, and is getting a little bit uncomfortable to wear due to the unwashable protein deposits.

Anyway, that was the first time for me using monthly disposable lenses after years of being told that it was more advisable for me to get the long term one because of my high myopia. I had a eye check with the optician and to my surprise, he told me that my myopia level has gone down. Could it be true? That my eyes are finally stabilizing?

I’ve had bad eyes since I was 9. I kind of blame it because of my love to read lying down and watching the telley up real close.

Back in primary school, I’d complain to the teachers that I couldn’t see very well. I remember that one teacher wrote really big on the blackboard just for me. I don’t know if she’s being sarcastic or being nice. But the writing didn’t make much difference anyway, the words were much too thin for me to make out what she wrote.

Mum then made my first pair of spectacles and I still remember what it looked like – a plastic light blue spectacle. I thought I looked really intelligent when I wore it. And for the first time, everything looked so clear.

But I guess everything went downhill from there as my eyesight deteriorated. My level just increased and increased. And what opticians do here is to just increase he degree in the lenses every time I’d visit them. I’m really not fond of that. Every time I put on my new glasses, I’d feel giddy and my eyes hurt as they try to adjust to the new and powerful lens.

I really didn’t think that this was the best way to handle myopia. More powerful lenses will make my eyes worse anyway, so I’ve stopped buying new glasses since 2000 and wore those to work and kept on wearing my even older glasses (made in 1997) when at home. I really dont care. To me, eye comfort is much better than strain. And I think that the Bates Method is quite helpful. I’m not sure if its scientifically proven, but its still helpful.

Contact lenses are different though since opticians will lower the degree since the lens are directly in the eyes.

The first time I wore contact lenses was when I was 16 after accompanying my friend to have hers done. It was pretty affordable then at $80 dollars (saved from waitressing, I wasn’t a rich kid) and I really liked it! I didn’t have to push my glasses up every few minutes and I could see by my sides and jogging was more comfortable. I even looked (oh bless) attractive.

I’ve had contact lenses since.

Still am not fond of those smelly weekly protein pills and cleaning and rinsing. Kind of tedious. So most of the times, I’d use glasses, because frankly, they are just more convenient. Moreover, sometimes I have a very bad habit of forgetting to take my lenses off and accidentally go to sleep in them.

I don’t think I’d ever do eye surgery though. No matter what the reports say about it being safe, I wouldn’t want anyone touching my eyes. After all, we’ve only one pair of eyes and if anything goes wrong with it, there’s no ‘backup’.

Sometimes I wish I had perfect eyesight again though. It would be nice to wake up in the middle of the night and not imagine that shirt you hang on the rack is not a monster because you can only see a swaying blur.

Anyway, I’m typing this entry on writely on the recommendation of Krysss. I’m loving it! It gets really annoying when sometimes there’s a power trip or my computer just reboots by itself and my (long) entries doesn’t get saved. Thank you krysss! And thank you writely. Both a godsend!

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Gentlemen only, Ladies … (have) fun

Went to work as usual today. I didnt put on any make up as my face was acting up again and I didnt want to aggravate it any further. Putting on my glasses, I left the house looking very plain jane.

Anyhows there were some chatter in the office this afternoon but since I was swamped with alot of things to do, I didnt pay too much heed.

“He’s very handsome you know”

“He’s a young man, want me to introduce you to him?”

“Maybe he can sign my bra later!”

“Hahahaha”

After a while, I heard someone calling me

“Marina …. Marina I need your help”

I looked up from my typing. “How can I help you, Mr Ong?”

“I need you to take some pictures for me in the auditorium if you are free.”

“Sure”

I didnt have my regular EOS 350D with me, but still had the trusty Ixus 750 that I had on the work desk. In the late afternoon, I waited at the foyer for the guest to come and I noticed a reporter from the Today newspaper and some professional photographers. Just who on earth is coming? I wondered furiously.

After a while, a grand champage silver car arrived and out came a tall man. His assistant took out a huge bag full of golf clubs while he bantered with the principal, the minders and some of the school heads. I then learnt that his name was Nick Dougherty.

He sat down in the auditorium and began his speech. About how he started to golf while he was 4 years old. How at 15, he was coached by Nick Fowler and how at 21, he became a professional golfer. We have a celeb in the school! Oh my!

He’s now 23. I was a little surprised as he looked a little mature for his age.

The students then started an open mic question session. It was quite interesting to note the way that they behaved then is vastly different. Even the fiercest teacher probably couldnt have the same serenity and rapt attention as what I noticed then. Even the way that they talked is different. (By the way, it seemed that the school had a golfing society, I wasnt aware of that)

“Mr Nick Sir. In your opinion, how were you able to stay focused and determined even though you are faced with the type of stress and blocks that you have now?

Goodness. You kids dont sound normal. Did someone kidnap you and replaced you with robots?


Another curious thing I noticed was the “Fly Emirates” tee shirt and cap the kids were wearing …. Hmmmm

Anyhow, after the question and answer session, Nick Dougherty invited the kids to the school field where he displayed some techniques. He wowed the people present at how accurately he was able to aim at a long distance.

“Hit that grey wall there Nick”

He took an aim and without any difficulties, greacefully hit the wall, which was about 500 meters away. It was nice to see the kids looking so excited and thrilled. He did an autograph session with the kids later on and it seemed like the kids didnt want to let him go, and they kept clamouring over him.

Hey, even I joined in to have a piece 😛


If I knew I’d be meeting a celeb I would have at least make myself look more presentable

Initially I felt very self conscious and very aware of myself but then I thought to myself that Its not every day that I get to take a picture with a professional golfer. So why not 😛 Thankfully he was nice. It was great fun and a little thrilling even. All in all, the day has been wonderful.

End the end of the day, Mr Ong said “Thanks for helping out, Marina”

And I answered, “The pleasure is all mine” 😉

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Pointless post

Based on a true story

Hey Marina, there’s a health display going on in the auditorium! Why dont you drop on by later?

Sure Mrs Leong, sounds interesting! I’ll go take a look

—

Instructor : Each finger represents your system. The thumb is connected to your brain, your ring finger is connected to your intestines, your middle to your kidneys, your ring to your kidneys and your pinkie to your intestines

Instructor: Now put your hands on top of the metal tablet and my assistants will help you use them.

Instructor: You should feel a little pulse, stimulating your vessels

Sarah: Ouch!

Me: Eh, I dont feel anything.

Assistant fiddles and adjusts.

Me: No, I still dont feel anything

Sophia: You must be an alien

Me: Yes, I must be

Assistant: Oh, the battery is flat. Let me change to another tablet (turns it on)

I feel electric jolts and goes into spasms

Me: Ohh … my … goodnessssss .. arrghh!!!

Instructor: Oh my goodness, you are very unhealthy! Look at how your fingers curls up

Me: Ouch! Owwwww!

Instructor: See your thumb, arching in, you have a mental disturbance. You are stressed out.

Me: Oww oww oww!

Instructor: I’ll see you in the mental health hospital very soon.

Me : Wow, you’re a really nice person arent you?

Instructor: (Fiddles with the controls and my arms goes into a magnified twitching with the strong feeling of electrial currents) Now look at how your entire hands move up. You’re very unhealthy! Your skin will turn yellow and not become radiant anymore.

Me: Bwaahh! First you call me crazy and now you say I’m ugly!

—

Anyway, my wrists feel like they’ve taken a beating for the next hour or two and it hurts to move them. The instructors says that its an effect that its like excercising for an hour and thats good for the body. But I wont be going anywhere near that machine!

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Badmi-Chingay


A lovely morning spent playing badminton. I didnt know that that the community center was opened for public just like that. (normally, you’d have to be a member and pay fees) but since mum said that the organization that she was in, booked the hall, I thought I’d drop by.

And oh my gosh. I was totally out of it! Its been at least 2 years since I’ve played badminton so my skills were extremely depreciated. I couldnt even serve the ball. It keeps falling and I cant aim properly. Argh! Need more practise.

Anyway, the chingay parade yesterday was quite nice. It was super crowded! People everywhere. To the left of me, to the right of me. It wasnt pleasant being in the crush like that (especially when there were some very interesting bodily smells abound)

And it was hard to see anything either. Everybody were standing up. I craned my neck. They craned their neck some more. I tried to tip toe and they stood upright even more.

Ahh .. times like these makes me wish I were taller.

Anyhow, here’s a video montage of the parade 🙂 Not a super quality as everyone were taller than me and I had to lift the vid-camera up high over my head and after a while my arms got sore 😛

No point even trying to take a picture hehehe. What do you think?

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Chingay parade in Jurong

Got home yesterday, and dropped off the bus and pretty lights already hung over, criss crossing the trees, seats set up, and the sound machine box ready and booming away!

I think I’ll drop by later and take a look at the parade 🙂

—

Cart and I explored Simone in Secondlife today. What do you think?

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Vday rambles

How shall I word this?

So much things to say, but I’m unsure of how to express it. So I’ll try to say, the best that I can.

Its valentines day today. A day to celebrate love. A special day with your loved one. I see couples walking hand in hand. The girl will be carrying roses, chocolates, soft toys, balloons or other various trinkets that her partner would present her.

I cant help but to feel a little wistful watching these couples. And I get a little envious. It isnt about the roses, the chocolates or balloons. I dont care about those much.

What these couples have, is the chance to meet up face to face and spend to time together. Holding hands together. Looking into each other’s eyes. Laughing together. Just sharing moments together.

I have a loved one, but he is thousands of kilometers away. I cant hold his hands. I cant see his smiles or hear his laughter. I cant look into his eyes or stroke his hair.

I miss him …

Long distance relationships is never easy. It starts out passionately, like an ignited matchstick. But like matchsticks, most of them dont last very long. Because in long distance relationships, it takes an immense amount of patience and strength which most people just dont have.

I really hope for that to never happen. I think that we’ve got something really good between the two of us. Beautiful memories spent together. But this distance, this intermission can really drive me crazy.

Sometimes I think about the different ways that this relationship will not work. Differences in culture, the sheer distance, our diverge interests. And that makes me think to myself, why carry on this relationship, when its chances of working out does not look good. Maybe we should just save ourselves from grief and just say goodbye.

But if we say goodbye, that would mean to throw away all our hopes away. And if we say goodbye, we will have regret of what to be. Is it worth giving up?

A wise friend said,”i prefer taking risks than feeling buried alive in a pointless existence”

All I have now is hope of the wonderful things to look forward to.

And I look forward to spending days together with you. I love you. You are my sun and the king of my heart. I feel so deep for you.

Will you still have me in years to come? Will you still love me?

Please love me … I fear that I might forget …

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Cycling is fun :)

Reformatting the computer isnt as painful as I anticipated. Not when the important data has been backed up, everything is a breeze. No drama, no screams and no tears. Not what I expected.

How uneventful.

Anyway, a happy Chinese new year to all whom celebrates it! The school where I worked at had a lovely Chinese New year celebration which started with a visit from some children from Korea. The kids were so adorable! I could just eat them up! I love their colourful costumes and how precious they were.



And there was this little boy that I had to refrain myself from kidnapping. Oh gosh, when he smiles, it just melts my heart. He looked *just* like a kid version of the Korean actor, Bae Yong Jun. (Not that I watch Korean shows, he just reminded me of him, is all)



Can I keep him?

—

Spent the day yesterday cycling on a whim, with my brother. Its been a while since I cycled. I’ve always enjoyed a nice relaxing cycle. Since it was chinese new year’s eve, not much shop was opened. The place was like a ghost town. There were not many people around exept for us and the few occasional pedestrians.

We cycled all the way to IMM, a hypermarket that I liked to visit. And parked our bicycles at the corner. We entered the building. Again, it was so deserted. There wasnt much shops opened (but there were still a number of people around who were probably trying to do some last minute shopping)

I joked to my brother that this would be perfect for a science fiction show.

Me : Maybe there was a big biological warfare going on.

H : Then we should be dead too.

Me : No! No! We have this immune system that made us impervious to the chemicals

H : Riiiiiggggghhhhhhhhtttt …. *rolls eyes*

But we had a lovely time talking and exploring around. Just bonding. Something I miss because since I was working, I didnt have that much chance to spend with my family. I’d like to do that more.

We went to explore Daiso, a shop that sold each item for $2. I got me a toy for Diana (whom I think would be bummed out by now, she’s been sick, you see) and these adorable frogs.

—

Anyways, Jurong is such a lovely area to cycle. Beautiful scenery, lovely breeze. Perfect for cycling. I think I’ll go cycle again this afternoon 🙂

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Rinaz Podcast – Episode 2

[audio:episode2.mp3]

My interview with the beautiful and talented Mariah Carey!

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This episode was sponsored by Hizza Put. The most delicious pizza you’d ever tasted.

—

Anyway, I just caught an episode of American Idols on the telley the other day and saw alot of things with different eyes this time. Admittedly, I did participate in the first Singapore Idols which was organized in 2004.And now, when watching it, its still quite entertaining, albeit I’m a little bit cynical when I watch it.

I believe that the Idol series is more about looks and hype compared to talent.

You see, behind the camera’s there are things that arent shown. For example, before we went for our invidual auditions, we were grouped into groups of 10 or 15. So during the wait, we’d practise and give each other motivation. The guy who was sitting beside me, had the most melodious voice and great composure and confidence and I liked listening to him. Another girl in my group, couldnt sing so well but she was pretty. We gave each other best wishes when we finally went in tn audition room.

After the ordeal, we’d have to wait again to see if made it to the next round. They’d call out our numbers if we made it. To my surprise, the guy with the voice didnt make it. However the girl did. Honest to goodness, its not a case of sour grapes but I didnt think that was fair.

Singapore Idols stopped being entertaining to me after that.

Bring back Asia Bagus who featured real talent by SE Asians. Bring back talent shows that isnt biased. At least in Asia Bagus it was more authentic without people trying hard to emulate the whole American Idol scene. It was more real. Mediacorp isnt being very true when it did that.

Ah I miss Mediaworks station. Why’d it have to go away?. Oh well.