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I’m getting married!

I’m getting married! I’m getting married! I’m getting married!

Well, I think I’m getting married.

Every now and then, I’d ask Cart, “When are you going to marry me?” and he’d give the same answer, “You know our issues. I’ll marry you now if it werent for that“.

Cart and I have different religious beliefs. In our situation, marriage would not be legal unless one of us converts. But faith isn’t something that can be forced upon. This isn’t easy. But I have faith that eventually we’ll be together.

Recently I asked him again.

Me : So, when are you going to marry me?

(Fully expecting the same answer)

Cart: Whenever you want

Me: We’ll get married on the 18th December. That’s a special day for me.

(Thats the date when we became partners in secondlife)

Cart: Hmm … that’s too early, it clashes with my vacation days

(Completely flummoxed upon realising that he’s being serious)

Me: Huh? You’re really going to do it? Really? Really Really?

Cart: I could. You’ll have to tell me exactly what will happen.

Me: You mean the customs?

Cart: Yes, I’d like to have an idea of what will happen. I’d also like to find a job for you here. I want you to have a good life”

Ok, so he didn’t propose. But that still counts as a proposal right?

my pretend engagement ring

And yet, there is this nagging feeling if I’ll ever adjust to life over in Rome. Maybe its time for me to stop lurking and start posting at the Singapore Brides forum.

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The mind is a powerful tool

Has anyone read the book, ‘The hidden messages in water’ by Dr Masaru Emoto?

In this book, he writes about his experiments using water from various sources. He directs thoughts and feelings at the sample of water before freezing them and then observing the water crystals.

The results are really fascinating. Here are some of them:

thank you
Thank You

love and appreciation
Love and Appreciation

you make me sick
You make me sick, I will kill you

Hitler
Adolph Hitler

Because our bodies are made up of approximately 70% water, Dr Masaru Emoto believes that human thoughts, will affect a person, depending it be positive or negative.

That is the power of the inner power that each of us have, just by thought alone.

I’m usually a sceptical person. Though I may not believe Dr Emoto a hundred percent, I do believe that the mind is a very powerful tool and that there are many things that we have not tapped yet. We’ve recently discovered speed reading, accelerated learning and mental power. I am sure that with time, we will discover new things.

Imagine the things we could do in the future.

Fascinating. Just fascinating.

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How do LDR work?

<emo>

pic of a yellow chrysanthemum.jpg

How do they do it? The people in successful long distance relationships, having their ‘happily ever after’. What makes it so easy for them to just jump into a whole new world?

I feel like I’m in the middle of the road, stuck and unable to move forward. I can’t jump like these people. Maybe it is because of my deep attachment here, to my family, my friends … I’d be leaving life as I know it.

But at the same time, I don’t think I can stand seeing him just once every 6 months – To feel so happy when I am with him but comes pure anguish when its time to leave. My heart breaks and a part of me dies.

It’s a horrible feeling and it doesn’t take valentines day to remind me that my partner isn’t here with me. I think about it every single day. There are some moments when I feel so lonely and helpless that I lie sobbing in bed.

I am amazed at how painful it can feel. I never imagined that this feeling could be so powerful, almost physical. And sometimes I wonder how it would be like if we never met, perhaps we won’t have this heartache that we are feeling right now.

But then again, if we never met, we’d never experience our love and care for each other.

Long distance relationship isn’t the easiest relationship to be in. Many of them don’t work out in the end. Some of these couples find it extremely challenging. How do a person tend a relationship when the partner is so far away?

The thing that I have right now is hope. But I want for us to move forward. But I don’t seem to see any paths ahead … Every route seems so hazy in front of me.

</emo>

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O level results.

pic of students before the announcements

It was the day of the O level results. Graduated students returned back to their schools to see how they fared. One could see it in their faces on how they fared.

Some were estatic. This girl here made it to the polytechnics.

estatic

Some shed tears of joy. This young man seemed shocked that he was able to qualify for polytechnic too. I think he wasnt confident on the O level examinations.

tears of joy

Some were visibly upset. This girl didnt do so badly, but I think she’s being hard on herself as she didnt attained the marks she set for herself.

estatic

The A level results should be coming up soonafter. I wonder how that’ll turn out.

wonder

I think I’ll just push it at the back of my head :/

Updated : For those googling about the November 2007 O level results, it will be on this thursday, 24th January 2008.

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Tomb Raider celebrates its 10th anniversary!

Sara, Njer, Me and Cart says hello!!!

This is a picture of Saravanan, Njer, Cart and me chilling out at our Secondlife house in Arcata. Prior to that, there was a Secondlife Singapore meet, where Vantan has wonderfully narrated.

It was really lovely – with us relaxed, chatting, getting to know each other. A pleasant surprise for me to actually hear conversations punctuated with our Singaporean colloquialisms after hearing virtually none for years.

Secondlife is such a facinating place.

Reflecting back, I think I’ve been fascinated in 3D environments even before the days of Secondlife, There, Activeworlds, Cybertown, and the other 3D communities that we have now.

Meet the original Lara Croft from Tomb Raider:

Angelina Smangelina

The first time I downloaded the demo from Gamecenter (a popular Cnet affiliate during its heydays) and played it, I was completely enthralled.

Although I had to fight against wild beasts in the caves of Qualopec, I had joy exploring every nook and crannies looking for hidden secrets and clues. Though the quality of the graphics weren’t comparable to what we have now, I completely enjoyed looking at the different sceneries. Mentally I pieced the route that I’ve been into a map.

Countless nights I’ve spent in the games. Looking at this clip below brings many memories

It’s hard to imagine that Tomb Raider is having its 10th anniversary already. It seems not too long ago that it was 1997 and I was back in school, stayed up nights playing and being zombified in class the next day.

Time flies by too quickly.

Hmm … I wonder if someone would be crazy enough to make a Tomb Raider sim in Secondlife.

Must see – One of the best Tomb Raider fan vids I’ve seen in youtube

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Shopping is an addiction

I am certain that Sim Lim Square is a building that is full of seductive temptation. In less than an hour, I parted with at least $400 on electronic products alone. I dont even spend that much on clothes and shoes!

Sim Lim Square is known to be one of the most renowned place in Singapore for electronic products at a cheaper price. The first two floors were dedicated to cameras, video recording equiptment as well as home products. Me and my brother liked to hang out in the fourth level onwards for the computer things and we’d go gaga over the computer paraphernalia.

But I dont know what came over me today.

Normally, I’d just go “oh wow”

But today, I went:

I am crazy!

“OMYGOSH! 2ND HAND LAPTOP! ONLY ONE MONTH OLD! $1.3K! OMG ITS BEAUTIFUL! I WANT IT! I WANT IT!”

“OMYGOSH!!! LOOK AT THAT LCD SCREEN! ITS GORGEOUS! ONLY $260!!!I WANT IT! I WANT IT!”

“WOW! 2GB MP4 PLAYER! IT PLAYS MUSIC, MOVIES, RADIO, AND RECORDS SOUND! I WANT IT! I WANT IT!”

“A NEW OPTICAL MOUSE! MINE! HEADPHONES! MINE! I WANT A NEW GRAPHICS CARD! GIVE ME! WAAAH!!!”

If it werent for this small voice inside me, struggling to say, “Marina, you dont NEED all these” I think I would have gone overboard and spent all of my money.

With that, I quickly scoured and fled the place after getting what we were supposed to get to avoid temptation.

Its been researched that shopping has a direct effect on the brain’s pleasure center. The feeling is not dissimilar to the experience for an addict to get their fix. Thus it is very easy for someone to start on getting on high when shopping for their favourite things.

Its a scary thought to know that its very easy to fall into temptations like that.

Though the amount that I spent might not seem to be that much to some people, but to me, the value is still alot – and my fear is that the amount will escalate with time. Children dont spend the same way adults do. People’s expenditure increases as they grow older.

There are already enough people who got themselves into debt on overspending. It would be horrible to include myself to the alumni. I do hope that, that never happens.

pic of BenQ 17" monitor and no, thats not an ipod :P

Have you ever had a moment when you went entirely crazy during shopping?

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Why we still live with our parents

A couple of weeks ago, my friend Juli asked me if I wanted to rent an apartment with her.

Block of flat with flags

I paused for a while. Who doesn’t want the independent life?

To be able to stay out as late as we want, to cook the things we want, to decorate the place how we want it and to do all the things we wanted to do but couldn’t since we were still living with our parents.

Many a days I daydreamed of entertaining guests to my hypothetical large and spacious home, have dinner with home cooked food and then entertain ourselves by playing board games or watch a movie.

But we were just starting to work then, and wasn’t so financially secure.  And now, after some years of working, I’m still not rich, but I can manage more or less.

So why hesitate now? Why not leave the nest now?

It’s interesting to note that many Singaporeans aged 25 and above, are still living with their parents. It’s not uncommon to hear 30 year olds, even 40 year olds living under one roof with their folks.

Living with parents is not a new phenomenon, and in fact, seems to be a more popular trend. In the United States, about 18.8 million 18 – 34 year olds still live with their parents. In Italy, about 80 percent of single Italian men live with their parents.

There are some people who might scoff at our lack of independence and some may find the entire idea as unfathomable. “What? To still have my mother to wash my clothes? And cook for me? Unthinkable!”

For me, I believe that it all boils down to filial piety. As Asians, there is an unwritten mantra for the child to take care of their parents as they grow older. In fact, when I started working, peers would ask, “How much (money) do you give your folks?”

I’d like to be able to give my parents a comfortable life if I can manage it. At the very least, be committed to them as I humanly can.

Sometimes I wonder if I can ever live without my family. I’ve been with them for as long as I remember. For all the disagreements, they are still a part of me. They are the ones who I can fall back and count on. It’s a reassuring familiarity for me – and at the end of the day, it’s a comforting thought to see that each family member is there. I am always reminded by our own mortality and I worry sometimes that I’d live with regrets, that I did not bond as much as I should have.

Eventually, there will be a time when I’ll have to leave the nest to make my own. For the moment, I’ll just enjoy being with my current family a little while longer.

Till then, I’ll still keep on dreaming about entertaining my hypothetical guests in my hypothetical house with my hypothetical award winning book 😛

Award winning book

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How do you blog for money?

Lately I’m becoming more and more tempted to delve into money making through blogs. Especially when you see loads of people being successful in them. Lilian earned US1k in a month through payperpost, and sha earned about US$390 on adsense alone.

I’d really like to have the same perks too. I’m not strapped, but the additional money would definitely ease for rainy days. I remember the days when the previous company that I worked with decided to cut my pay in half, and then eventually and unfairly dismissed me and how painful it was just to get through with bills and daily transactions.

I don’t want to go through that again.

So I tried different methods of money making though the web. Money making on the web isn’t new. I’m a sceptic at these money making phenomenons, but since I’ve heard so many success stories, I’m willing to give it a try.

I tried PTR – Paid to read emails. An example is Dreamstarmail. In PTR’s, you surf through advertisements through a timed website and get a small amount per advert. I think I earned about $100 one time on a PTR. I spent loads of time to get that amount. The money was supposed to be credited to me, but it wasn’t. And after a while, the website went down.

I had an ex colleague whom favoured with the virtues of HYIP – High Yield Investment Programs. This is where you credit in a sum of money and are supposed to get back a high returns in a span of a week to a month.

However, I DON’T recommend HYIP’s as most of them are scams. You’ll never see your money again. The owners will give you some money as a carrot for you to invest more, and once you and many others are enticed, they will take away all of your money and shut down their website.

Just last year I tried adsense. But I got disabled in just a week due to ‘invalid clicks’ – I think it could be due to the traffic from blogexplosion.com, but I’m not so sure. I’m just left with a bad feeling.

Other things I tried was making stuff through zazzle. It was fun enough, but I earned less than a dollar on a tee shirt I sold . And I don’t really have things to sell on online auctions that anyone would want.

Suffice to say that I don’t think I’ll be quitting my dayjob any time soon 😛

How the heck do people like SaveKaryn.com get people to give money to her? She used to have a $20,000 credit due to HER overspending and she set up a website to ask for donations – Now all her bills are paid for, she’s publishing a book, has interviews from top television networks and a movie will be done about her in the future.

It’s not fair, I tell you.

Thus, I’m contemplating on blogging for money. Payperpost being one of them where you do reviews and earn money, and the paypal credited to you at the end of the month.

But as much as it is a possible viable option, I’m not really looking forward of appearing as if I’m shoving advertisements down everyone’s throats. There has been quite a number of blogs that I’ve stumbled through which were so full of adverts and paid for posts that it just looked unappetizing. Especially when the writing is skewed to be so positive about something even when the person hasn’t actually even tried the product!

I don’t think I’m being moralistic – But personally for me, I think I’d like to give a better review of something once I’ve actually tried it to give my honest opinion – what I like about it, what I don’t like about it and what can be improved about it.

But the prospect of earning money is definitely very tempting. And here is the dilemma.

What do you think?

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Of diaries, journals and blogs

I’ve been looking at my old gallery in deviantart and reading up my old journals.

Its interesting how different my writing style from the year 2003. I think I sounded more energetic, vibrant and kiddy young then.

Of course, people develop throughout the years – they evolve in their thoughts, their preferences and feelings. The thoughts of Marina at 12 years old would be very different compared to the thoughts of Marina now. People change. And as the quote from John Wyndham’s The Chrysalids

“The essential quality of life is living; the essential quality of living is change; change is evolution: and we are part of it.”

But sometimes its good to revisit the past and remember the old memories, the fears and the good feelings. Even if our current technology is not superior enough to record memories as in Star Trek or Minority Report, the mind is still one of the impactful part of a human anatomy. The mind can transport us to where ever we want, and whenever we want.

One of my fears is to forget my past and my background.

If we forget about the past promises that we’ve made to myself and to forget about the memories that we’ve experienced, will mean that we will forget about us and the entire essense of what makes us who we are.

I think, in a way, I am lucky that I’ve started writing in a diary since young. Somehow in a way, it keeps me grounded and my nostalgia alive as I rekindle old thoughts and memories.


1998, In school and wondering if I would do well enough to enter university


1995, writing about my experience during my weekend waitressing job


1990, I had chicken pox! Look at the spots on my ‘toon hehehe

I wonder if I should combine all my journals and diaries from the past to this blog. Hmmm …

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The days my dearest visited finale

“Hey you! Yes you lurking there! Its National de-lurking week. That means you MUST post a message and say hi! 🙂 “

Saturday, I wanted to show cartcart the science center . Being the science and maths enthusiast that he was, I was sure that he’d enjoy it. We strolled to Jurong East, had a late lunch at my favourite Vegetarian stall and marvelled at how closely it tasted like actual meat.

Then we stopped by a local supermarket where Cart had the time of his life comparing as well as learning about local foodstuff.

He poured over the curry spices, the dried herbs, the noodles, basically things that Singaporeans use to cook on a day to day basis.

He was most excited.

Cartcart even quipped that he found this experience as enjoyable as our trip to the underwater world.


Look! A genuine Italian brand!

We took our time and when we finally reached the Science Center, I looked quizzedly at the ticket booth which had no one manning it. Then I realised that we went there 5 minutes too late to last entry! Even shows at the Omnimax theater till 9 pm were fully sold out.

That’ll teach me to be so ill prepared. We walked out dejectedly past children who were laughing happily in the water pool which was side by side to the pathway.

But the day was still young! We were at Jurong East! I hang out here a lot. And what better way to spend it by watching a movie together with your partner 🙂

The show that I was interested in watching was Night at the Museum, but it started much too late and the only show that was remotely watchable was Charlottes Web . I guess that would have to do. *chuckles*

The movie was pretty okay. Even with the many many changes from the original book, I think I got teary eyed when Charlotte died.

It’s a good thing that the arm rests in the movie theatre were movable and we were able to cuddle 🙂

On our bus journey back, we passed by Pasta Fresca and after hearing its jingle being played regularly on 938 live, I thought it would be nice to have dinner there.

A slightly bitter, fizzy drink that is well known in Italy

The decor looked nice enough. Cartcart mentioned at how authentic the place was decorated and even noticed that the type of fabric the curtains made were the actual type of fabric used in Italy.

Cartcart ordered arrabbiata, just to compare how it tastes to the pasta we had yesterday.

So cartcart, how much does this one rate?

5

Wow, a whole point compared to yesterday 😛

Yes, now I can safely say that this is the best pasta I’ve eaten in Singapore 😛

Heaps of cars lining up next to the mosque

Sunday, Hari Raya Haji.

Mum had just completed sewing Cartcart’s baju kurong the day before. She seemed unconfident that the outfit would fit him well because of some of the pertinent additional measurements that I didn’t take.

But when Cartcart put it on, it fitted him perfectly. When he came out to show me, I was floored at how stunningly handsome he looked in the green baju kurong. So handsome that I forgot to take a picture of him wearing it.

My Mum and dad gave him generous compliments at how good he looked. Cartcart was putting on the capal, the Malay sandals that we bought during our trip to geylang. He really looked so elegant. Mum thought that if he wore the samping (waist cloth) and songkok (hat) it would be more complete.

But cartcart seemed to be doubtful. “It has long sleeves!” He whispered to me. “I might perspire badly in this”

However, during the entire journey to my grandmother’s house, cartcart didn’t break a sweat due to the cooler December weather and the air conditioned train coach.

When we reached the doorstep, in my mind, I was wondering and hoping that everything would go al-right.

My aunts were there and the first to greet us, then my uncles, and then my cousins. We talked, and then had lunch together and just chilled. I see one of my cousin, Eusoff, deep in conversation with cartcart while the rest of the clan seemed transfixed in a Malay soap opera that was premièring.

It was pretty relaxing.

But I got nervous again when grandmother came out of the room, gave that slow and knowing smile of hers and asked me that question that grandmothers always asks.

So when are you going to get married?

Uh … Um …

When you go out with him, don’t hold his hands.

Oh …

But all in all, everything seemed okay. My worries about a drama happening was for naught. I feel quite relieved that everyone seemed pretty cool with it.

The same evening, we had new years eve dinner together at the community centre. Mum suggested that cart and I go to have a local national feel. But I think it was kind of a bad idea.

The entire concert was like a hungry ghost festival concert with music blaring at a million decibels and the singers wearing clothes that is so shiny that it will leave you momentarily blind. It was pure torture. I couldn’t wait to get out of there. But cartcart had the patience of a saint and thought it would be better to wait till the dinner course ended.

By then it was too late to take public transportation. I asked cartcart if he was game enough to ride on the scooter with me. He was! And he managed to squeeze in one of my helmets and off we went and we managed to reach the bed and breakfast in time to see the fireworks from the new year countdown from the city skyline.

Monday, New Year’s day

Today is the last day that cartcart will be staying here. I really think that a week is just not enough to spend here … I haven’t shown him everything that I wanted to show him …

Juli was free to have lunch with us today. Cartcart and I took the scooter to vivo city, where the parking area was so large, that it was so easy to get lost in there.

We went to a cafe which I thought it would be good, but turned out that the food there was below par.

Coffee with a piece of pen?

I wasn’t enjoying my fig and apricot sandwich. I have no idea what cartcart was eating. And Juli wasn’t thrilled with her fish dish either.

But it was a pretty casual affair, the three of us talking together. There is few things as satisfying as talking to friends

After we said our goodbyes to Juli, we had to rush to Chinatown to buy presents and souvenirs for his family. We only had about less than two hours before needing to reach back to my place to say his goodbyes to my family.

Cartcart bought a mask for his sister, and a lovely Chinese tea pot set for his mom and dad. We reached the temple again. And this time, Cartcart decided to enter and see the interior of the temple and witness purification a ceremony where the priest was at the altar, washing a large utensil. It was too far for me to see as non Hindus were not permitted into the holy area.

When we reached home, mum asked us to have dinner together, “I promised to make you Nasi Lemak!” We sat down together, where our family had our last meal together with cartcart.

As I walked out of the kitchen to clear the plates, I overheard mum talking to cartcart, “She’s a good daughter. I hope you will take care of her. Will you take care of her?” “I hope to do that”

I went deep in my thoughts …

At the airport terminal, even with mum, sis, aunt and my cousins there, I still couldn’t control my sadness and the tears began to roll down. One week just isn’t enough. “Why cant I spend all days with you?” I looked in cartcart’s face as he gave me a hug before reluctantly leaving for his flight.

Sometimes I feel like this is all a dream. That we are all asleep and then we wake up to our reality.

In all honestly I don’t know how long I can take this. Such happiness when we are together, and then heartbreak when having to part.

Why cant I spend all my days with him? That would be such a beautiful. He is kind, gentle, romantic, patient, wise and the sweetest person I want to spend the rest of my days with you.