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What if this was my last post

Eastcoastlife really scared me a couple of days ago when she posted “My last post” in her blog. Turns out that it was just a meme. I guess I overreacted and did not read that post carefully.

But what if it were really my last post? I cant peek into the future, I really cant tell. Will I still blog in the next 10 years? I’d only hypothesise in my romanticised mind that it’ll might be like these :

August 2009

Its my birthday! Will be celebrating with cartcart tonight. I cant believe I’m already 31 years old! I’m officially middle aged now … Bah! Most probably we’re heading down to Nemi and we’ll see the spectacular lakes there. Parents in law has been asking us to come over, and I’m still thinking of a good excuse not to. Hehehehe.

Just recently I’ve finally got my citizenship. It has been quite stressful the past year trying to adjust to the environment here. Luckily for me, Bruna has been such a good friend. And Cart has been very supportive too.

But I really miss home back in Jurong. Its just the little quirks and most especially the people that I miss the most.

September 2010

Oh my goodness! The doctor confirmed what mum in law has long suspected. I’m pregnant! I’m pregnant? Oh my goodness! So many things going through my head. This is so exciting! And yet kind of scary at the same time. Will I be a good mother?

If she’s a girl, I’d like her to be called Lisa. Funny how I’ve picked that name for my first daughter since Jurong Institute days. Hehehehe.

Going to call family back in Singapore now. I wonder how they will react!

December 2013

Cart, little Norman and me, are finally in Singapore for our December holidays. Its sort of cute to see mum fussing over little Norman. But at the same time its very humbling to see the family again. I always take it for granted that they will stay the same. I’m just shocked in the realisation that everyone has grown much older …

Speaking of change, wow so much has changed that I can hardly recognize anything! Went for a date with cartcart to Jurong Point. Was telling cart that I used to hang out here alot for my gossip sessions with Juli. But what on earth happened here? The place looks so different and much bigger and there’s a whole lot more people here than what I remembered.

I’m persuading cartcart to watch a movie with me. Its been such a long time since I watched a movie in english. Gosh, there’s a Rambo 10?

July 2017

I’m having chest pains again. I’ve had this pain since my teenage days when somedays, I wake up and feel it but it goes away in a few minutes. Its getting more frequent. I dont know what I’m doing wrong.

Anyway, I’m fetching little Norman from kindergarden now. He’s grown up so quickly. He’s got his dad’s skin and brown hair but he’s definitely got my eyes and mouth. Oh and my temperament too. Such a drama papa at such a young age. Looks like a beautiful day outside. Maybe the three of us can stop by at the Villa Schiarra park later and then have some gelato. Ah the simple joys of life. Vita è bella

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Karma by Edwin Arlington Robinson

The artist

As much as I love and enjoy literature, poetry is one of the most challenging aspect of literature to me. Many a times it isn’t easy to decode what the poet is trying to say due to its obscure meanings and hidden symbolisms. It is confusing. In the end, I try to avoid them altogether.

But on the insistence of Mr Chandran, our literature teacher, I forced myself to sit still and read the piece Karma, by Edwin Arlington Robinson :

Christmas was in the air and all was well
With him, but for a few confusing flaws
In divers of God’s images. Because
A friend of his would neither buy nor sell,
Was he to answer for the axe that fell?
He pondered; and the reason for it was,
Partly, a slowly freezing Santa Claus
Upon the corner, with his beard and bell.

Acknowledging an improvident surprise,
He magnified a fancy that he wished
The friend whom he had wrecked were here again.
Not sure of that, he found a compromise;
And from the fulness of his heart he fished
A dime for Jesus who had died for men.

At first read, I could not make it out. Who was the protagonist in this poem? And who is this friend? And why do I feel depressed after I was done reading it?

It was only later that I finally understood.

It was a story of a stockbroker, who betrayed his friend and made him bankrupt. He feels guilty about it. Due to the Christmas holidays, he tries to make himself feel better about it by donating to the charity. But his act of donating just ten cents makes the entire gesture farce.

The more I read it, the more I appreciated this piece of poetry. I can’t believe I actually decoded that one.

Mr Chandran says that a good piece of poetry retells a story in a very subtle manner. And suddenly I feel so enlightened.

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Virtual child pornography. Is it right?

This is probably old news.

Time's person of the year

But I can’t help photoshopping this out.

No time magazine

In a more sombre note, a link from the Secondlife blog, bothered me. In the report, Secondlife has banned two avatars – one whom resembled an adult male and the other whom resembled a child engaged in a sexual conduct.

Without a doubt, child pornography is sick and very wrong. But what bothered me about the report is that both of the parties involved are aged 54 and 27 respectively. They are both adults. Not children.

How is it wrong that two conscentual adults, role play in the privacy of their own area? Granted, the very idea of pedophilia is sick. But in this instance, no children are involved. Secondlife is an above 18 only website, it is silly to have an age verification and yet have two adults charged and banned.

There are a number of people who uses the metaverse as a form of escapism. Some become furries, some become goths. Would they be charged too for role playing as such? We need to distinguish between virtual contents and real life. A lot of people are being too over-sensitive of that.

In the Ashcroft vs. The Free Speech Coalition in 2002, all four of the government’s arguments were unsuccessful and the Supreme Court held that the CPPA was unconstitutionally overboard. No matter what angle used, the fact is, no real children was involved. It would be different between someone exploiting a real, living, breathing child for their own perverted desires.

As long as no one is really hurt, and the parties involved are truly consensual and of age, what business is it of yours?

Disclaimer : I am not involved with adult-child roleplaying. However, I am very bothered by the fact that our freedom of expression is quelled in an above 18 website.

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We are all connected

I feel quite poignant

Lilian is right when she said that the blogosphere is very close knitted. I remember what Preetam mentioned before during the E27 unconference. He said “Most people are more inclined to read blogs that belong to their friends or aquaintances”.

I cant speak for all, but I think the statement is true. Much of my feeds are of my friends, as I like to read the updates on my friend’s life and see what they are up to. Of course at the same time, there are interesting feeds that I’ve subscribed, to whom I have no aquaintance of.

Nevertheless, the blogosphere definitely is very close knitted. We know this is so because of this simple experiment :

1. Look at your blogroll and click one at random

2. Notice that the blogroll of the person you’ve clicked on has at least 2 or more people that you know.

3. Now click their blogroll at random. Chances will be that you’ll still see at least one person that you recognize.

Eventually everyone is connected to each other in the blogosphere. We’ll be even closer to the six degree of separation.

Evangelion - We are all connected

The world has become a smaller place. Nowadays, I dont even need the rss reader to see updates on my friends. With websites such as the increasingly popular twitter, I can see what they are doing and thinking real time. Isnt that useful?

However in retrospective, somehow I think it just gives us a false sense of security. Yes, it is definitely convenient. But a million sms updates just cant compare real interaction. Besides, would anyone really care about my mundane activities and rants?

This is a typical twitter message

3:00pm – Scratching my head
3:05pm – I just sneezed
3:10pm – Swinging around on my chair
3:12pm – Eating chocolate
3:15pm – Oh I just blinked my eyes

Uh … Too much information?

But one cannot deny its usefulness. This reminds me of a report by New York Daily News in 2005 of of how the last entry of his blog, has helped police to catch his murderer. His xanga blog is still up and I was struck by how easily it is to connect to him – looking at his picture, and reading his posts, it is not hard to imagine him as our friend. He was an ordinary and real person. Just like us.

Sek Man

Even though we may not be able to meet up with our internet friends in real life, I believe that it is possible to have real feelings and memories towards them.

I still have memories of my online friends.

Avatar of undercore

Undercore, a friendly and helpful young man whom was very helpful towards me and glonan, a sweet lady that is always very perceptive towards her friends. They are both gone too soon.

I think eventually, blogs and websites are a form of archive to remember us by. This blog too, is used for remembering past experiences and memories.

I think I am an average, ordinary person just like everybody else. We are all connected because we want to remember and to be remembered.

As a side note : There’s a blogout event coming up on the 24th May. Do come down if you can make it. This will be a great and fun way to meet and network with other bloggers 🙂

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Is netcasting for schools a reality?

Watching Kevin’s vidcast for his COM125 class has really left me inspired. Through his video, we can observe his unique style of teaching which makes his lessons engaging and interesting.

Must watch!

Netcasting is where one records their own audio or video and post it online. It is a wonderful and effective way of sharing information. I think that more educators should use usethis medium.

It is effective because people contain information best through :

1. Repetition
2. Visualisation and senses

This is what makes techniques such as Tony Buzan’s Memory Pegs effective as it makes full use of one’s senses.

Must watch!

But while having dinner with my good friend Juli, who is a primary school teacher herself, I asked her opinion about it. She tells me that netcasting may not be readily received by teachers because of factors such as self consciousness and fear of technology.

Huh?

Here we have a simple technology that will help dispense information more easily. But people are so quick to reject it. Why should issues such as self consciousness be of a hindrance? In fact, one doesnt even have to video their own faces, but instead film how they solve a mathemetical equation on a piece of paper for example. Alternatively, they could film their students acting as parts of the bodys intestinal tract. This is a positive interaction as both teacher and student are both actively participating.

As a Multimedia Educator it is my role to help them along should they have problems or fear of technology. But I cant help them if they wont let me.

CDIS logo

I remember back in primary school, I would look foward to watching the CDIS programme. These were educational videos that were pertaining to what I learnt in school as well as some syllabus that I havent learnt yet.

And while in secondary school, I did well in humanity subjects as our teacher gave us a plentiful of access to video tapes that makes our visualisation, stronger. I am always amazed that I can still remember word for word, songs I learnt in choir but forget random information minutes afterwards.

I guess this is constituted to the fact that I am a visual person – receptive of things using my senses. And I am pretty sure that there are many people who learn this way too.

There is a wealth of information out there – audio visuals in the library, mass media, information readily available from the internet itself. Which is why, all the more reason that we should have netcasts for educational purposes and cultivate a culture of sharing in a more personal way.

Must watch!

Moreover with about 80% of students carrying handphones and/or mp3 players, we should take advantage of this and give netcasting a try.

Next week, I’ll be sharing the teachers in Shuqun Secondary about the potential about netcasting for lessons. I hope it goes well.

Update : Hooray! Mr Gopal, the head of department of maths seems keen on netcasting. I believe in the law of reverbberation. Start out small and then grow bigger! 🙂

Update : My presentation during staff sharing is up for viewing here

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The story of a multimedia educator

Once upon a time, marina has just completed her diploma in computer studies. With alot of free time in her hands, she immediately agreed when a friend asked her to do relief teaching in a school nearby.

She found out that she loved it. Oh how she enjoyed teaching! How she loved talking to kids and imparting knowledge to them. Each day, she’ll find new and exciting things to do to share with her kids.

Picture of a note by a student

Then one day, the principal asked her to go to her office. Curious, marina stepped in gingerly where she told her that they have found a permanent teacher and they she doesnt need to report for work anymore.

marina felt as if her heart would break. She bravely smiled and said thank you and then rushed off to the toilet and bawled her head off because she already felt very attached to her kids.

After brooding despondently at home for the next 3 days, marina decided to search for a job. A more permanent job. She decided to teach IT for a secondary school and she was hired by a company to do so.

Her first job started well enough. She went to teach in schools and assisted in websites and other IT related work. But after time, her boss made her teach new things. Things she didnt want to teach. Programming!

Marina said no. She wont do it. She doesnt want to teach someone in something that she is not good at.

Soonafter she got fired.

Next, she decided to work for a private firm just to see how it goes there.

Picture of my table :D

It started well enough. She went to teach businessmen and working adults. But after time, her boss made her work for longer hours. When it got to her working for 7 days a week for a month, it got to the point when marina got severely depressed.

She resigned.

Marina decided to take it slow. She became a part timer and went to teach where she is needed. When the times are good, she found out that she could earn quite abit. But when there was a period when there was no demand at all.

That was when an ex colleague asked her to work in his company.

It started well enough. For about two years, she taught students in computer applications. She helped out in the school competition. She bonded with the kids. Even when the management claimed that their funds were dwindling and effected her pay, she still pushed on because of her love for teaching.

Picture of some vain students

And yet the company maligned her. Even with the support of the principal and staff to back her, she still got fired.

Angry, depressed and emotional. She made a report against the Central Provident Board. She collected evidences for legal actions. But before she started anything, the company folded.

For the longest while, marina wondered to herself about all the bad situations that she was in.

But she is a believer of fate and circumstances. Everything happens for a reason.

Media Club students doing speech day video

Now marina is working for one of the top educational portal in Singapore. Her job isnt easy and does get demanding at times. But so far, it has been one of the most fulfilling ones that she has. She gets to do the things that she loves to do, and more importantly, express herself creatively.

Jean and Marina

marina looks forward to what the future will bring.

The end

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Online Relationships in the metaverse

I am supposed to be doing a sharing session this upcoming Thursday at the Idea Factory for the Secondlife Community meet.

To be honest, after hearing the discussion at the E27 unconference, and seeing participants with their scepticism and disbelief, I’m not very confident about talking this Thursday, in front of all the technophiles I saw on the attendance list. Especially with Cory Ondrejka, the Chief Technology Officer of Secondlife being there.

Wow! Cory is a good looking dude!

(Even if I *am* looking forward to seeing Kevin and his helmet cam)

Kevin and his helmet cam

But I think that during these events, many people focus on the economics and technology segment. I believe that behind every mode of communication, there is a human element. So to prevent myself from mumbling incoherently during the event, I think I should give the topic just a little bit of thought.

Experiencing relationships in the metaverse. Or more specifically, Secondlife Relationships.

Mass Praying in Secondlife

I believe that the feelings that experienced online, could affect a person in real life. These feelings does not necessarily have to be romantic feelings, it also includes the feelings that you get when you get to know the people online, whether it be from blogs, instant messages, virtual worlds or other alternative sites.

Some time back while I was in cybertown, a well loved resident passed away due to her illness. I remember the genuine feelings of grief. There was a eulogy and everyone remembered the good memories and happy moments that they had of her. The feelings of loss, the feelings of sadness, these are all real even if we do not meet these people in real life.

So why should Secondlife relationships be any different from real life relationships?

In Secondlife, I’ve seen how easily and quickly on how two individuals from a relationship with each other. I think that this is largely because people have the freedom to express themselves more. They fashion their avatars as how they wanted it to look and they control how they want themselves to portray. Moreover with the awareness that the metaverse is a platform as opposed to real life, people are less inhibited.

Cart and Rinaz resting on a leaf

But as quickly as these relationships are formed, many of them are quick to dissolve too. A casual survey done in Secondlife shows that the average duration of a SL relationship lasts about a month.

Perhaps these relationships in the metaverse are seen as disposable. With over 4 million registered users in secondlife, there are always many other avatars that one can go to. Moreover, these residents can control their world as real as they want it to be, or to keep their relationships strictly online.

A wedding in Secondlife

A wedding in Secondlife

There has been stories of partners turning out not to be as what they describe to be – some are married, some even not being open about their actual gender. It’s very difficult sometimes to differentiate the truth in the metaverse because of the lines of transparency here.

The dilemma begins when a partner believes the representation of an avatar to be exactly the same as it is in real life. If they are happy in-world, would it be considered cheating when they find the truth about their partners?

I think the most important element in online relationships is maturity. Each individual needs to trust each other and to be truthful about their situation and always remember that behind every avatar, is a real person.

Torley and Jade

Torley and Jade

At the same time, there are also many couples who traversed from online romance to real life romance. It isn’t easy, and it may not be for everyone. But I believe that with trust, patience, faith and strong commitment to each other, the relationship will eventually work out in the end.

Thanks to Secondlife, there has been real life partnership and matrimonies. And that’s a good thing. It shows that no matter how advanced technology is, there will always be a human element prevailing.

Marina met cartcart from Secondlife

Falling in love is natural. And emotions are what makes us, human. The metaverse is thus another avenue where we can express, emote and relate.

—

p.s If you are free on Tuesday afternoon, do drop by NTU, ADM Atrium. Cory will be giving a talk about Secondlife at 4pm. I cant be there though since I’d still be at work. 😐

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How well do you know your online friends?

Have you ever came across a blog or a website, you read their posts for a while, and in your mind, you form an impression of them and you believe that you know them.

But I think that it isn’t easy to judge a person’s character solely from their blogs or websites.

True, that the person writes about their thoughts, their joys, their fears. But in blogs, they are what the author chooses to represent themselves. Even in personal blogs, the story might not be complete as there are some issues that might be too private.

There are some things which I know about my blog friends like :

  • I know Sha loves excercising.
  • I know Geri loves photography.
  • I know Ghostrider loves the nightlife.
  • I know Gypsygirl loves travelling.
  • I know Myztika loves being with her friends.
  • I know Shane loves the arts.

But how much do we really know each other? Do we really want to know?

I remember that, as a teen, I bonded with a lot of people when chatting on mirc. One day, we organized a get together in real life. When I went there, I was quite surprised to see there were those who seemed boisterous online, who turned out to be actually shy in real life, and those whom you thought were quiet online turned out to be quite charming in real life.

I think the lesson learnt is to keep an open mind.

And yet, at the same time, we still have real feelings for what we see online.

I remember that when Dynatec passed his examinations, I was genuinely happy for him. And when I heard that Glonan passed away due to her illness, I felt that I’ve lost a dear friend, even if I have never met her in real life before.

How can it be, that we can be so connected, and yet be so disconnected at the same time?

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Will I ever reach my dreams?

I have something to confess.

I didn’t do all that great while in school.

Wow, what an old picture, I dont even remember many of the names of my classmates

When I was in secondary school, I was extremely involved with my extra curricular activities. I was in the choir, the girl guides, the English drama club and a member of the student council and I didn’t have the time to revise and had to repeat an extra year.

And when I was in high school, despite all advice given, I decided to take the science stream, rather than what I was familliar with. I reasoned with myself that I’d have more choices of courses when I graduate. But my artistic mind could not cope with the utilitarian subjects. In the end, I flunked before I can reach my final year. I never did my A levels at all.

I remember someone who told me that all the doors are closed for me, to entering university. That it was the end of the road for me.

Was I ashamed?

Definitely.

There I was, older than most of my classmates when I should have been promoted. I felt inadequate.

At my age, I should have started on higher learning. I see my peers making it, when I kept asking myself, “Why not me?”

But at the time, I could not see myself going on. I gave up my battle and went on to study IT and then started working to where I am at today. I pushed away all thoughts of high school.

Pretty

Fast forward to 2005, I saw an advertisment for the Singapore Airlines stewardess position. Having wanting to be one during my teenage days, I scrutinised the requirements.

They required a minimum of A levels! I was shell shocked! I decided to do something about my lack of credentials. I wanted to challenge myself to see if I still had it in me to be a stewardess before I hit 30.

But every private institution that I know of were extremely expensive. I could not afford them.

Coincidentally, at the time, my cousin Hizam, recommended me to take up the night classes at ITE as he was taking up the courses there too.

My General Paper Class with Mr Chako, Oct 2006

Taking up the course, I was grateful for the subsidized education, being of a person with limited resources. I could not understand why there wasn’t more people signing up for these courses. The lecturers were just as or even more experienced and qualified as the ones from the private institution.

When I finally took my A level exam in December 2006, I had a sinking feeling that I wouldn’t do well. I really didn’t have the time to revise. It was extremely challenging to work and study at the same time.

Just recently, we received our results. I only had 1A and 3AO passes. That wasn’t good enough to enter university. I got moody for a couple of days.

But after a while, I thought to myself. ‘I managed to get that results without studying, imagine what will happen if I took the exams the next time. I never did take the A levels prior to this.

ITE isnt offering any more A level night classes from 2008 onwards

I surfed through the ITE website again and noticed that they will not be continuing with their A level courses any-more starting from 2008. It’s such a shame that the public now has no subsidized education. But it was understandable. There wasn’t that much demand for it, moreover, the syllabus will be changed in 2008.

I took it as a sign.

After much contemplation, I think I will take the A levels again. I can make it! I know I can.

I’ve long abandoned my desire to be a flight stewardess. Now I realise that I have a calling for the arts. It just has been dormant for a very long time. I really want my Humanties Degree. Truely. And I really want this with my heart and soul.

Maybe this is like my riding license. I never made i the first time, but my deep desire to ride a scooter pulled me through, and I never gave up. Now I’m a proud owner of the scooter of my dreams.

Baby Scooter and me

I think if one really desires for something, whatever it can be, they should just persevere and carry on till they get it.

I will do it. I will persevere.

p.s

I think I should be taking SATs too, to increase my chances of entering the university. Gosh, take a look at these sample questions. They are so simple, that even *I* can do it.

A special lottery is to be held to select the student who will live in the only deluxe room in a dormitory.

There are 100 seniors, 150 juniors, and 200 sophomores who applied.

Each senior’s name is placed in the lottery 3 times; each junior’s name, 2 times; and each sophomore’s name, 1 time. What is the probability that a senior’s name will be chosen?

Hey, I did this ultra fun VRML thing for cybertown, it dances and stuff :D

That’s secondary school maths level! Peanuts man. Just peanuts. 😀