During the first few years that I’ve been living in Rome, I went to a school near my home to learn Italian. This building is a functioning elementary school so, while our classes were held, the school children would be doing their classes ongoing.

Apart from Italian, there are also other courses that you could do here and they are all government subsidized. I remember having to pay less than 20 euros in total for lessons 2 hours a day, twice weekly lasting for about 6 months. Dirt cheap right?

I remember my lessons to be enjoyable (but it really depends on how lucky you are in getting a good teacher) as well as beneficial as a stepping stone in communicating with Italians. While I did take lessons before migrating here, being completely immersed is a different ballgame altogether.

I’ve stopped taking lessons there since last year as the lessons covered up to levels A2/B1 and was getting a little easy for me (Did I just say that? WOW! Haha!) moreover, the timings clashed with my then working stint.

In any case, recently, I was walking to a pharmacy and to get there, you’d have to pass by the school. By chance, I noticed my former Italian teacher having a break and we had a quick chat.

Anyway, after we said our goodbyes, I passed by the parking area of the school and I noticed an Asian lady coming out of a huge-ass-expensive-looking car. She was dressed nicely – ankle boots, trim tailored trousers, well fitting, possibly designer jacket and she was wearing sunnies and swishing her meticulously wavy hair.

Two thoughts came into my mind :

1. She must be going for Italian classes
2. Why is a rich woman going for subsidized classes?

I understand that everyone – be they rich or poor has the right to education. I just find it odd how anyone would flaunt (accidental or not) their monetary status in a public aided place.

Last evening was my FIL (father in law)’s 80th birthday. To celebrate, a surprise birthday party was organized for him in the same restaurant that Cart and I went to, to celebrate our wedding anniversary some years back. Without him knowing, his friends were all there. There were about 20 of us altogether.

Celebrating birthdays the Italian way can be quite dramatic – it’s perfectly normal to have your birthday cake brought to you, with fireworks.

I had a lovely evening, eating loads of good food and here are some pictures of them so that you could be jealous :

This was our appetizer with mixed seafood.

Pasta with clams (there was another type of pasta with fish, but I didn’t manage to try it … aww!!!)

Risotto con crema di scampi which was absolutely delish.

Baked Mediterranean Seabass with zucchini and potato … mmmmm.

And we ended our meal with some macedonia

And the birthday cake! My nephew’s sharp eyes immediately spotted out that this isn’t FIL’s name. Oooh … Someone at the bakery did a typo

But as the evening went on, I started to feel sleepy and I was fighting to keep myself awake. Suddenly I realised that all of the ladies in our group looked like makciks (makcik is the affectionate term that Malays call an aunt be it if they were related or not)

The only thing missing is the headgear. But it was nor hard for me to imagine them with. Even the way that they chatted with each other reminds me of a typical scene when a makcik meets another.

Am I delirious?! Or am I subconsciously trying to find things to connect about things that I grew up with so that I don’t feel homesick? I don’t think that feeling will ever go away. There are people who live overseas for more than 10 years, acclimatized themselves and yet still miss their place of origin.

My friend Alessandro shared this video recently.

Click here if you are not able to view

For the benefit of those who don’t understand Italian, basically the guy in the video is comparing the prices of common, every day things in Germany. It is shockingly low compared to the prices that we pay in Italy. Multivitamins for example, costs 50 cents euro in Germany, but in Italy, it costs about 5 euro!

Seriously! Check this picture I snapped in a local supermarket just yesterday.

This is so depressing! I’m not even Italian and I feel outraged.

How is it that in Germany, workers in general have an almost double amount of salary compared to a regular Italian. We’ve always been told that the cost of living in Europe is higher in general (I cannot comment on how much Germans have to pay for taxes et al), but in the case of buying daily necessities, in reality this video shows otherwise.

Having a higher pay and a lower cost of living means that they have stronger spending power and could save more and enjoy their money better.

To put it in the most simple terms, Germany is able to do this because they have a stronger budget deficit. They don’t have much need to borrow money to run their country. Thus national debt are accounted for, which means that bank interests get lower. And this leads to the money paid for taxes to be channelled more for the benefit of the public – like subsidizing daily necessities.

Image from ideativi.it

Without going too deep into politics, (as I can’t vote in Italy and I don’t usually talk about Singaporean politics anyway) I think that it is more than a right, it is a responsibility in choosing the right governance. Regardless of which nationality you are, it is your life and livelihood that is affected and we are all in the same boat. Please don’t let us sink even more …

(Which is why I don’t understand why there are people who goes to a voting booth and gives invalid votes … on purpose)

Anyway, coming back to the video. After watching it, makes me really want to plan a trip there. It is probably cheaper to buy a plane ticket, go to Germany and get stuff in bulk than to buy the same thing in Italy. Heck, Cart and I haven’t had a proper honeymoon either.Eating out wouldn’t be expensive either. Spending 15 euro for two for dinner is something I’ve never heard of in Rome. If we had spending power like that, we wouldn’t even have to think twice about having children.

So lets go to Germany! When I’ve saved up enough money for a trip, I’m so there! Achtung! Achtung! Attenzione Germania che arriviamo! So which part of Germany should we visit? Any recommendations?

If you liked this post, check out what other expats think about of the elections :

• An American in Rome
• Parla Food

As I was putting away my summer clothes and arranging my winter ones, I found this :

I’m still on the fence about this. On the one hand, we really cannot afford one. But the talk with A sort of haunts me :

Me : I saw this really interesting shop. There was a menstrual cup sold in there! Do you dare to wear one?

A : I’m close to menopause. My cycle doesn’t come sometimes for months since I was 41.

Me : But you’re so young! Nevertheless, you do feel happy right? No more cramps, no more having to worry about PMS and irritation …

A : That’s true, but I’m still a little sad anyway. It means that my womanhood is closing on me …

SIGH! I wouldn’t say that I’m terrified, but I’m feeling a bit pensive.

The latest hot topic in Singapore is about a woman who made a racial comment online last weekend.

The woman, Amy Cheong, former assistant director to NTUC was upset about the noise coming from a Malay void deck wedding and she posted this on her facebook account :

The first time I saw the comments, I was ambivalent about it and pretty much dismissed it. In my mind, I thought, “Gee, what a dumb thing to say“. I was more disappointed rather, as these were words of a socially uneducated person (regardless if she went to university)

But the reverberations were fast and her post became viral. In a matter of hours, there was a significant amount of outcry online over her words.

It was understandable, as people seem to always be fascinated with “the bad” (which is why there’s always a traffic congestion when there’s an accident even though there are 4 other free lanes, as everyone slows down to look for any trace of gore and whatnots)

As expected, I see my timeline filled with replies, and I can feel their genuine anger. But what bothered me more is how emotional and quick the online community are at judging her and crying out foul and for her virtual murder.

Rather than discussing the issue like civil people, we think with our pride and ego. Gosh, is this really how we want to be perceived? That we are a community of mobs?

It’s as if someone makes a passing comment while walking, and if another hears it and doesn’t like it, doesn’t give them the right to form a collective group to beat that someone up. That’s bullying, regardless if the person deserves it or not.

Just to be clear, I’m not condoning Amy Cheong’s actions (moreover, don’t you think that she’s already been duly punished already?) But I feel, we should be more gracious and be a little less emotional especially online, where media is usually more fantastic than what it really is. Like the extreme anti-religion protesters are only 0.007 of the entire community. Mass media made it seem like it was more.

It’s always easy to react, especially online when information is transferred so quickly. The beauty of being human and freedom is that everyone has the right to think what they want. But each person should be responsible for what they convey

Each of us have a choice in how we react. Be angry and finger point – leaving the problem unsolved and widening the gap OR we could educate and have a more understanding and open minded mentality with each other (not just tolerance)

To be honest, if someone were to say to me, “Malay weddings are low class and costs only 50 dollars“, I’d genuinely be surprised and and wished that we had that person as our wedding planner! And if someone says to me, “People who have void deck wedding are idiots as it will lead to a divorce“, well I’m just happy that my marriage with Cartcart is still going strong.

(What does the cost of a wedding got to do with the happiness of a marriage anyway?)

Why take an allegation personally, when you know it’s not true? Rather than reacting negatively, we need to be the bigger person.

And as for me, I’ll just relax one corner and play my guitar.

This video was shared with me by dear blogreader Jaz Moi about a man living overseas. It’s 14 minutes long, but it’s worth watching.

There’s one part where he says that in living overseas, the thing that he misses the most is his family.

I’ve been living here for over 3 and a half years and while I’m starting to get used to life here, it seems each time that it gets close to Eid, I’d always feel emotional. To the point that I dreamt that I was hanging new curtains with my sister and the entire day yesterday, I was bawling my eyes out out of emo-ness.

Normally towards this time when I was in Singapore, me and my family would be busy decorating the house, prepping to cook for the guests and the radio would be blasting with Raya songs. You could feel the festivities in the air, that something good was coming.

Suffice to say, it’s not the same here. And during this time, is when the feeling of homesickness is the strongest. I really miss being with my family, with simple joys of eating ketupat with Ayam Masak Merah and talking rubbish.

At least I’m looking forward to having my family coming over in September … so that’s a consolation.

It’s close to 3 years now that I’ve been living here in Rome. For me, I think that’s the amount of time to really get used to living here. The first few months was probably the hardest, being all homesick, missing friends and family. It’s not so much about the language barriers, but the sense of loneliness that kills you.

I can completely relate to Carrie when she was in Paris (the last two episodes in season 6 was probably the best. SATC2 on the other hand, was just crap) and happened to walk past a bar with 4 friends laughing and having a moment together.

Even now, sometimes I miss spending time with my besties Jules and Hema. We went to school together, and since then, we’ve done a lot of activities together, and so there are loads of memories. It could have been the simplest type of meet, but it’s the company makes it joyful.

It might take a shorter time for others to integrate, but for me, I needed time to assimilate and really feel like, “This is my home. This is my life,” instead of it feeling like a long stay-away. Which is probably what the mentality of a number of people that I’ve met here, have. They know that they are not going to stay here long term and eventually go back to where they came from. But it’s different for someone who’s married to an Italian.

It’s hard to abandon the metaphorical tree that I’ve sowed and start on a new one. And it took quite some time, but I finally have close friends whom I can confide and hang out with. It doesn’t feel so lonely anymore.

And I feel so amazed that it was just about a week or two ago when I’ve felt like I’m stuck in a rut, missing my financial independence. But now I’m getting more work opportunities. What I’m doing right now, is not my dream job, but at least I feel wanted and that my skills are not stagnating.

I feel like I’ve a more social life now, about twice a week I hang out with the people at the centro sociale, where there are quite a number of interesting activities held there. It’s a fun, stress-less, non judgemental place just to bond with others with a mutual activity.

I’ve been taking better care of myself, exercising more and watching what I’ve been eating (more or less) and I’m increasingly happier with I look at the figure in the mirror. I’ve went past my pre-wedding weight now and just a couple of kilograms more to my ideal BMI!

All these small things makes me feel motivated and I feel blessed. Things are looking up. It seems as if my new tree is growing healthily. And if there are anyone who’s just migrated in a new country like how I did, just hang on in there. It will get better.

I was reading with interest, this blog post by NYC Ragazza.

I got the feeling that she’s the lady who asked on how to pronounce cocomero while at the Gelato event last September

In her post, she writes that it’s quite easy to be lazy and not speak Italian because there are so many expat meet ups where you could socialise in English. And if you’re travelling around in the center, there are many shops and restaurants servers who are able to speak English well enough to get by. While at home if you had cable, you could simply change the language from the dubbed to the original language which is mostly in English.

But it does get a little harder for someone who’s married to an Italian. Because they’re pretty much expected to integrate which on the one hand is great because it is immersive. It’s tough though. It’s like teaching a person to swim by throwing him in the deep end of the pool. Some might be able to pull through, but some might just trash around the water in fear.

Although I did learn a little bit of Italian back in Singapore, it was a different ballpark altogether when I moved to Rome – the speed, the dialect and the slang that the people here spoke, was vastly different compared to the contained classroom environment. It was pretty overwhelming.

And as much as I appreciate Cart trying to assimilate me, taking me out to meet with his friends, try as much as I could to concentrate, it tends to be hard to focus after a while because :

1. I don’t understand what they were talking about because of mainly because of the vocabulary that they used and I didn’t want to be of a hindrance and interrupt the flow of the conversation to constantly ask what was going on.
2. Because they’ve been friends for a long time, there are a lot of context and inside jokes that I didn’t get. Sometimes I feel like, unintentionally, being pushed out.

Hence, I’d rather just listen and watch the conversation and even when I do contribute to the conversation, there are times when I struggle to find the right words to express myself and it gets frustrating.

I took some Italian courses here in Rome, and while it was daunting in the beginning, eventually, it got easier. It did loads to my independence. It’s so much easier going to the supermarket by myself, buying a ticket at the tabbaccaio, taking the public transportation by myself, without having Cart to help me.

All the normal, every day sort of activities. But it was terrifying for me when I was new here. But I feel a lot more comfortable when I’m by myself now, and I don’t panic when I’m walking outside and some random person asks me for directions for example (although it’s a little puzzling as to why they would specifically ask me, when there are others because I look obviously foreign )

I don’t speak perfect Italian, but people seem to understand what I say more or less.

But sometimes Cart can be so hard on me. While I’m marveling at how much I’ve progressed, he pushes me to speak perfect Italian, which usually doesn’t go well with me.  Because my philosophy in learning is to be nurturing and supportive. Kind of like how a baby learns. The baby tries, and the parents motivates her with positive words to continue. Why should it be any different from an adult?

It might sound quite juvenile, but when someone pushes me like that (be it for learning Italian, or learning to drive etc) instead of being motivated, I feel like closing up instead. Which is probably the wrong approach, but I easily lose the joy of learning that way. I need someone to clap their hands or say, “You’re doing great!” every now and then. Learning should be happy.

Kind of like Carrie asking for a little milk in her coffee, so it’s not too bitter

Cart recently psycho-analyzed me and claims that I’m homesick and thinks that by my resisting in speaking Italian, I’m trying to hang on to my bit of home. While I do get pangs of homesickness, I’ve already long resigned that I’ve be living here long term. So I don’t think that, that’s it.

But nevertheless, the way that I’ve been treated, I’ve slowly grown a sort of mechanism. While I used to be flighty, now I have the mentality to be more patient, and to just not care  too much and just speak Italian as how I’m comfortable with, without (mostly) thinking about people will be judging me. Sort of an insensitivity training if you may.

Which is not bad for a rather egoistical person, such as myself

Sidenote : Somehow I’m reminded of a scene of a literature that I read about a foreign woman who’ve lived in England for many many years but still didn’t speak any English at all.

Usually around this time, when I was living with my parent’s, we would be busy preparing for Hari Raya, the end of our month long fast. And the house would be in a chaotic state – we’d be hanging the curtains, baking cakes, tidying up the house, prepping for lunch and dinner for the humongous amount of relatives that will be arriving later.

My big fat greek wedding pales in comparison to the amount of MY relatives

I’ve always hated all this fuss. All these chores are extremely tiring and to be honest, quite unecessary. Nevertheless, I enjoy being surrounded by relatives and friends, despite how eccentric many of them are … you know, there will always be an uncle who loves to blast his karaoke set, an aunt who would chatter non stop, the emo cousin and such.

For fun, I’ll put a picture of me and my non emo cousins and aunt back in 2004

And so, I was thinking of baking some cookies during the weekend, and planned to make Nasi Lemak for the guests to eat when they arrive later. After all, if they can’t take the heat of curry or even ayam masak merah, I should be fine with Nasi Lemak right? It’s the mildest (and relatively easy to make) Malay food that I can think of.

And then I found out that all of my Muslim friends aren’t in Rome, and even my family in laws won’t be able to make it since it’s not a public holiday in Rome and they had to go work.

And while trying to gather the ingredients, I started to get emo and mind started to go into a monologue :

“Why bother with the cooking? No one is coming over anyway? There is no one to cook for”

And I suddenly felt so lonely and started to feel depressed.

After skyping my family and friends, I feel better now though.

Sidenote : Just wanted to clarify why I prefer inviting Muslim friends over for the first day is because we’ve all went through the gruelling 30 day fasting together. Of course everyone else are welcome too. We’ve invited a couple of friends over already