Will I ever reach my dreams?

I have something to confess.

I didn’t do all that great while in school.

When I was in secondary school, I was extremely involved with my extra curricular activities. I was in the choir, the girl guides, the English drama club and a member of the student council and I didn’t have the time to revise and had to repeat an extra year.

And when I was in high school, despite all advice given, I decided to take the science stream, rather than what I was familliar with. I reasoned with myself that I’d have more choices of courses when I graduate. But my artistic mind could not cope with the utilitarian subjects. In the end, I flunked before I can reach my final year. I never did my A levels at all.

I remember someone who told me that all the doors are closed for me, to entering university. That it was the end of the road for me.

Was I ashamed?

Definitely.

There I was, older than most of my classmates when I should have been promoted. I felt inadequate.

At my age, I should have started on higher learning. I see my peers making it, when I kept asking myself, “Why not me?”

But at the time, I could not see myself going on. I gave up my battle and went on to study IT and then started working to where I am at today. I pushed away all thoughts of high school.

Fast forward to 2005, I saw an advertisment for the Singapore Airlines stewardess position. Having wanting to be one during my teenage days, I scrutinised the requirements.

They required a minimum of A levels! I was shell shocked! I decided to do something about my lack of credentials. I wanted to challenge myself to see if I still had it in me to be a stewardess before I hit 30.

But every private institution that I know of were extremely expensive. I could not afford them.

Coincidentally, at the time, my cousin Hizam, recommended me to take up the night classes at ITE as he was taking up the courses there too.

Taking up the course, I was grateful for the subsidized education, being of a person with limited resources. I could not understand why there wasn’t more people signing up for these courses. The lecturers were just as or even more experienced and qualified as the ones from the private institution.

When I finally took my A level exam in December 2006, I had a sinking feeling that I wouldn’t do well. I really didn’t have the time to revise. It was extremely challenging to work and study at the same time.

Just recently, we received our results. I only had 1A and 3AO passes. That wasn’t good enough to enter university. I got moody for a couple of days.

But after a while, I thought to myself. ‘I managed to get that results without studying, imagine what will happen if I took the exams the next time. I never did take the A levels prior to this.

I surfed through the ITE website again and noticed that they will not be continuing with their A level courses any-more starting from 2008. It’s such a shame that the public now has no subsidized education. But it was understandable. There wasn’t that much demand for it, moreover, the syllabus will be changed in 2008.

I took it as a sign.

After much contemplation, I think I will take the A levels again. I can make it! I know I can.

I’ve long abandoned my desire to be a flight stewardess. Now I realise that I have a calling for the arts. It just has been dormant for a very long time. I really want my Humanties Degree. Truely. And I really want this with my heart and soul.

Maybe this is like my riding license. I never made i the first time, but my deep desire to ride a scooter pulled me through, and I never gave up. Now I’m a proud owner of the scooter of my dreams.

I think if one really desires for something, whatever it can be, they should just persevere and carry on till they get it.

I will do it. I will persevere.

p.s

I think I should be taking SATs too, to increase my chances of entering the university. Gosh, take a look at these sample questions. They are so simple, that even *I* can do it.

A special lottery is to be held to select the student who will live in the only deluxe room in a dormitory.

There are 100 seniors, 150 juniors, and 200 sophomores who applied.

Each senior’s name is placed in the lottery 3 times; each junior’s name, 2 times; and each sophomore’s name, 1 time. What is the probability that a senior’s name will be chosen?

That’s secondary school maths level! Peanuts man. Just peanuts. 😀