Virtual Emotions are still real emotions

I am constantly amazed at how some things that happens purely online could affect me so much.

Consider this. You are sitting at your computer. The other person is sitting over at their computer. There are absolutely no physical contact with each other. All the information being sent to each other are related to each other digitally.

And yet, in between all these, one bonds with each other and genuine emotions grow. This interesting cyber-life where we go to, where there is no sense of touch and yet, incredibly we able to touch each other in other way, through the heart.

I felt gladness when Dynatec and Geri passed their studies. Gladness when Dismay found a wonderful person to have as a partner. Happiness when Zozee found love with lion, a man whom she’s been with ever since I knew her.

I felt disgust when there were drama posts back while I was addicted to neopets, especially at a middle aged man who was an attention seeker in a largely children populated site. He did countless spams of how “clever” and “rich” he was and nonsensical attention seeking posts. This, a 32 year old man in an impressionable website full of 10 – 15 year olds. Well, one thing good about him was how entertaining he was though, spawning different stories day by day. The soap opera that I did not need to watch on television.

I felt sadness upon hearing the death of Undercore and Glonan. Both of them have touched my life back in cybertown, a community that I was part of for a while. Undercore was friendly and never made me feel like I was a dumb newbie while I started out.

Residents in cybertown went by ranks during those days, one can start out as a block deputy and rise up to mayor if one could make it. And even though he was of a high rank, he was friendly to everyone.

avatar of undercore

Undercore was gone too soon. He went driving and a drunk driver rammed up to his jeep and killed him instantly. Undercore was only 17.

I don’t remember how I met Glonan, but I remembered how wonderful she was. We only met briefly when I was less than a month old in Cybertown. She noticed that I loved faeries very much and gave me a faerie painting as a gift. The fact that she remembered it was touching and I knew that this was a wonderful person to be friends with. I learnt that was a retiree, she usually lives alone in Alaska. This strong, amazing woman was able to climb hills to chop firewood when she is strong enough, and when she grew weaker, continued to do odd jobs around the house.

She was always so nice to me and everyone around her. She offered to make me real life crafts. I had to say no, I couldn’t accept such niceties like that. She insisted, saying that it will be something to remember her by.

For a while, I didn’t understand what she meant by that.

I got a package in the post and received a pair of earrings that she crafted. I thanked her profusely and marvelled again and again at how this creation, crafted by a real life person, that I know of, on the other side of the world, crafted by hand is now in my possession.

“I’m going to make you shorts next,what size are you?”
“You really don’t have to Glonan, you did so many nice things for me already”
“Nonsense! I like making things, hun!”

That was the last conversation I had with her. I didn’t see her online for a few weeks and then I heard from her daughter announcing online that she’s passed away and has given in to her disease. She will be missed, so much. I still think about her, this charming, wonderful lady who loves to call me hun.

So in retrospective, I should not be surprised that I feel emotionally distraught with someone that I cared for very much was feeling bad about himself. I’m still surprised though as it could be a miscommunication. It could be my part on being hyper-sensitive. It could also just be bad timing. But I feel bad when he feels bad. And what made me upset about the whole situation is how helpless I am about it all. I cant do anything about it. I cant stand this helplessness. I cant.