Something to get off my chest

In sooth, I know not why I am so sad;
It wearies me; you say it wearies you;
But how I caught it, found it, or came by it,
What stuff ’tis made of, whereof it is born,
I am to learn;
And such a want-wit sadness makes of me
That I have much ado to know myself.

-Antonio Act 1 Scene 1, Merchant of Venice

I think I’m easily depressed. And the strange thing about it is that sometimes I enjoy being sad because it puts things into perspective. Maybe its good to feel sad sometimes. The Kahlil Ghibran speaks about of Joy and Sorrow that “The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain” Its a thought provoking sentence. Does that mean that someone has to go through extreme depression to actually feel happiness? Just like health, most people would take it for granted and only when they fall ill, will then they value their good health.

However I doubt that people enjoys feeling extreme sadness for an extended period of time. It is draining. It is tiring. It makes you feel empty. It makes you feel like you are searching about in the dark. Depression can make me feel like I’m losing my light. But I’m glad and grateful even, that this time, I’m not in the dark by myself.

But why does depression happen? What exactly triggers a depression? Depression can be triggered by an event or it could be inbuilt from a person. And it could happen to anyone, anywhere, at any time.

Depression needs to be treated. DePaulo, J. Raymond writes in his book, Understanding Depression that there are two different ways in which one can treat their depression. One of them would be by medication or the other by theraphy…

Why am I writing about depression? I dont know. Am I feeling sad? Maybe. Just something I need to express.

Just what am I doing? Am I just letting myself fall deeper and deeper? Isnt every action that I do reverberates to the future? That means that its all my fault if I’m in a mess. There is no one else to blame but me.

I have to try to be better. I’ve got to somehow. I want to. And I must.

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