Marina’s Bloggariffic

What is this peculiar feeling that I’m feeling. Feels like my heart is beating faster than usual today and my stomach sinking, full of butterflies … Is it a forecasting of what things are to come?

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Spent the weekend actually searching for “rinaz” for google. I’ve been using this nick for as long as I could remember and thought that it would be interesting the things that I could find with it.

First up, I found my gallery from renderosity during my cybertown days. I remember feeling very proud of my creations as even though it wasnt that superb, I’ve put in my heart and soul in them and was very proud of them! I’m still proud of my 3d right now.

A faerie’s hope has always been one of my favourites

I actually enjoyed drawing her hair strand by strand. :)

Google search also brings me to the Singapore Digital Photography meetup group. I wasnt too active in that group though, it doesnt seem to be very active and there hasnt been any activities there even when I started out.

I found myself at Caedes.net and I was amazed as I havent been to that website for ages and ages. I used to go there for different wallpapers under the recommendation of an ex student from the commercial school that I was teaching previously and I quite like the website.

I see my name here too. A friend, I made from secondlife. Lovely girl, a little scary sometimes …

I found my moblog account too! Wow! My sony imagestation account and the desktop project where anyone from diverse countries sends a screenshot of their desktop. Heck, I even see my name in the Jennifer Lopez song review

How amazing … hahaha

The most amazing one would definitely be this particular website that I made, way back in 2001 (be forewarned that it has LOADS of popups)

But I look back at the writing style and cant help to wonder would a 20 year old Marina, recognize herself 5 years from then?

Interesting quotations that I didnt even realise that I did.

“Ramsden said: “You can never have your cake and eat it at the same time”. I don’t even have a cake right now, just a dry biscuit”

“If life wasnt filled with failure then people would take things for granted. Then how would anyone learn?”

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Monday, the start of my freedom of the clutches of employment. I find myself just as busy as the same. Went down to school for a while in the afternoon to pass something to Jane, the admin there. Chatted a while to Linda and then left to Jurong East to register in the employment agencies there. I’m not sure how effective the work there is, having tried the same thing when I was 20 or so with no response, but I thought I’d try it anyways.

Went to night class after that and had Amir, a security guard at Monks Hill Secondary, who I befriended to take me home. As soon as I reached home, mum pounced at me with all the documents from the company - the letter of confirmation, the letter of termination, and others. She talked animatedly about how she had a talk with her lawyer friend and described that I had a very solid case against the company. All you need now is a copy of your attendance and your bank statements.

Tuesday. There’s no reason why I should lay idle at home. Had a ceiling to floor spring cleaning of my room. My windows are sparkling clean now, no dust bunnies in the room anywhere! I even cleaned the ceiling fan … Heck, I was amazed to see the amount of dust in my room. Urgh…

Called up Linda to have a copy of my attendance. I didnt fill it up to that 28th May though, so I’m not sure if Linda would fill it all the way then. But I did go to school everyday. Went to night class again and when I was done, I found Amir waiting for me at the carpark. I’m startin to get nervous. I dont think I want to hitch a ride with him anymore. I dont feel comfortable. I just think of him as a friend, thats all.

I’m going to start my photography lessons today, and I’m so looking forward to it. I would love to learn those wonderful techniques professional photographers use for their models.

I snapped this about 2 years ago while Estee Lauder was hosting a makeover and I enjoyed myself then. I love seeing people looking beautiful and radiate their self confidence after their makeover. Its uplifting to me.

So looking forward to tonight!

I am so humbled and greateful and overwhelmed by the care, love and warmth that I felt by West Spring this Friday. Compared to the cold treatment that I received Thursday night, from the company to the warm loving experience that I had on Friday, was such a vast difference.

I went to the school to pack up my things and I saw some friends and I told them that it was my last day there. And they looked so shocked! It was humbling to see that they cared enough to express their feelings that way. How is that so? How can it be? Thats not possible marina, no one ever complained about you! And they looked adamant about my situation. It was the same with every one that I said goodbye to, they all had this expression of shock at my sudden termination. Dont cry Marina. Dont cry. I had to say to myself. But the hot tears just came out. It wasnt about the pay (lousy as it was) but the wonderful, wonderful people there. That was why I initially thought of resigning only in October when the final term would end. Oh well.

I packed up my items, my bears that has accompanied me at work since the old campus, the cards that the students gave me and looked at my desk to keep it locked in my memory.

I went down to talk to the principal.

Sir? Can I have a minute?
Sure Marina, come on in.
its my last day today. I’d just like to say thank you for welcoming me and making me feel welcome here. I really enjoyed my experiences here these past two years.
And he frowned and told me. You’re fired? I’ll try my best to see what I can do for you, Marina. In the meanwhile, please join us for the teacher’s lunch later. I’ll ask Minder to bring you there.

I’ll be there. Thank you again.

I then went up and quickly burned my files from the intranet into a CD. No way in hell will I let that witch get my files. My hard work that I’ve done. I was just about to delete my files from the sharing folder when that witch, my supervisor stepped in and warned me not to delete away my files. It belongs to MOE she said. Its copywrited. Did you know Suhardi (an ex colleague who used to work in the company) did that and it damaged the server. I was floored at her sheer denseness. No one could ruin the server by just deleting data files! If I thought that her command of english was atrocious enough for someone with a master that comment totally bowled me over.

Thats why I’m IT and you’re …. supervisor, I thought to myself.

And she stood there. Looking at me like I was a criminal. Thinking of me like I was going to steal something. Her mobile phone poised and ready at any wrong move that I make, to call or sms(someone) Her tone of voice told me “pack up and leave” I hated that feeling. I thought it was rude and snobbish. Linda went up to see and was puzzled at why I was packing up but she didnt ask me since the witch was there.

I returned the laptop and some other things on Rudie’s table and by then, Mr Minder was waiting for me. Ready Marina? Yeah, its time to go.

I gave hugs to the admins, Jane, Janet, Letchmi, and everyone else and they gave me the same reaction of shock and disbelief. Lets find marina a new job. I know some openings here and there! I felt so grateful and really, it was humbling to see so much support and care.

I went in Mr Minder’s car and cried all the way in the car. Randy and Mr Minder tried their best to console me.

Why are you crying for? The principal already said that he’d help you! You know that whatever he says, he means it! Dont cry Marina, who the (censored) does that company think they are? Its not worth crying over them. Principal already gave his word. You’ll go far. What is that company? Its nothing.

Eventually, I stopped being upset. And we reached the guildhouse and had our lunch there. Honestly, the warmth and feeling of love there was so touching. All of a sudden, Rudie stood up and said, this song is dedicated to ms marina, who’s last day is today. I cant remember what song he sang, but I was genuinely touched. Then P stood up too and sang along with Rudie and I tried hard not to tear up. It was just so sweet. I was duly touched.

Later on, P told me not to worry and he ACTUALLY introduced me to some high flyers! I was amazed and thought how surreal it was. I met the Military Defence Officer and some Army Specialists and the Dean of NUS and some benefactors to the school (how did he meet all these people?)

Tamil told me, P thinks highly of you. You dont have anything to worry about. You’ll be fine.

—

I think I’ll be fine. I’ll be fine. I can only hope

Well it finally happened.

I went to the meeting at the company and there I was.

Fired.

Terminated.

Cancelled.

I’m not upset. In fact, I’m kind of glad since, I dont share the company vision anymore. Especially when they keep insisting that I was “in my own world” and I’m not “commited”

I’m just disappointed in the company for not recognizing the things that I’ve done to the school. Really disappointed.

But I’ll really miss West Spring. Thats all.

Its time to move on.

Might be influenced by the Girl with the pearl earring

May 25th is Towel day. Happy towel day everyone - Celebrating Douglas Adam’s Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy. Cart introduced me to the idea of carrying a towel for this day and the first thing that I can think of was how crazy the idea was. But I’d do it anyways for the list of crazy things that I’d do for 2005.

What exactly is Towel day? Well, according to Douglas Adams

A towel, it says, is about the most massively useful thing an interstellar hitch hiker can have. Partly it has great practical
value - you can wrap it around you for warmth as you bound across the cold moons of Jaglan Beta; you can lie on it on the brilliant marble-sanded beaches of Santraginus V, inhaling the heady sea vapours; you can sleep under it beneath the stars which shine so redly on the desert world of Kakrafoon; use it to sail a mini raft down the slow heavy river Moth; wet it for use in hand-to-hand-combat; wrap it round your head to ward off noxious fumes or to avoid the gaze of the Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal (a mindboggingly stupid animal, it assumes that if you can’t see it, it can’t see you - daft as a bush, but very ravenous); you can wave your towel in emergencies as a distress signal, and of course dry yourself off with it if it still seems to be clean enough.

More importantly, a towel has immense psychological value. For some reason, if a strag (strag: non-hitch hiker) discovers that a hitch hiker has his towel with him, he will automatically assume that he is also in possession of a toothbrush, face flannel, soap, tin of biscuits, flask, compass, map, ball of string, gnat spray, wet weather gear, space suit etc., etc. Furthermore, the strag will then happily lend the hitch hiker any of these or a dozen other items that the hitch hiker might accidentally have “lost”. What the strag will think is that any man who can hitch the length and breadth of the galaxy, rough it, slum it, struggle against terrible odds, win through, and still knows where his towel is is clearly a man to be reckoned with.

I brought a towel with me in my handbag, but I didnt really feel the need to use it for the day. But I’m sure there are many uses for it when the time comes. Maybe I’d fall off the motorcycle and I could use it as a sling … or wear it as a fashionable skirt … maybe wipe the smirk out off a jerk’s face … but in the meantime … *wears her towel on her head and prances around like an egyptian princess*

In sooth, I know not why I am so sad;
It wearies me; you say it wearies you;
But how I caught it, found it, or came by it,
What stuff ’tis made of, whereof it is born,
I am to learn;
And such a want-wit sadness makes of me
That I have much ado to know myself.

-Antonio Act 1 Scene 1, Merchant of Venice

I think I’m easily depressed. And the strange thing about it is that sometimes I enjoy being sad because it puts things into perspective. Maybe its good to feel sad sometimes. The Kahlil Ghibran speaks about of Joy and Sorrow that “The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain” Its a thought provoking sentence. Does that mean that someone has to go through extreme depression to actually feel happiness? Just like health, most people would take it for granted and only when they fall ill, will then they value their good health.

However I doubt that people enjoys feeling extreme sadness for an extended period of time. It is draining. It is tiring. It makes you feel empty. It makes you feel like you are searching about in the dark. Depression can make me feel like I’m losing my light. But I’m glad and grateful even, that this time, I’m not in the dark by myself.

But why does depression happen? What exactly triggers a depression? Depression can be triggered by an event or it could be inbuilt from a person. And it could happen to anyone, anywhere, at any time.

Depression needs to be treated. DePaulo, J. Raymond writes in his book, Understanding Depression that there are two different ways in which one can treat their depression. One of them would be by medication or the other by theraphy…

—

Why am I writing about depression? I dont know. Am I feeling sad? Maybe. Just something I need to express.

Just what am I doing? Am I just letting myself fall deeper and deeper? Isnt every action that I do reverberates to the future? That means that its all my fault if I’m in a mess. There is no one else to blame but me.

I have to try to be better. I’ve got to somehow. I want to. And I must.

Been kind of busy this week.

Friday afternoon.

Reached school at about 12.30noon. Meet a few of my ex students … Nur, Sri, Zawanah and Razali who were admiring my green kitty bag … Me (along with Rudie) were teaching them Computer Applications last year. I miss teaching them. They were one of the most interesting class that I’ve ever came across. Sure, some of them slept in class and there are a few smartasses in there. But its all good. They arent bad kids. Misunderstood perhaps. They are friendly and proactive when one talks to them. And you can see that they really put in an effort (well, sometimes)

Anyways, I was to bring some students to the Esplanade for a National Blogging Competition. I was supposed to bring only 5 students. However while I was in the staff room, there were a number of students waiting for me. I counted them. 9! Thats too many. I cant bring you all there! Some of you will have to step out.

And all of them gave me puppy dog eyes … Sigh … I guess I’ll have to bring you all there then. I filled up some forms and off we go. We had to take public transportation as I didn’t have the foresight to book a small van for us since I assumed that I couldnt for a group smaller than 10. This will be a learning situation for me I reckon. We had to walk and walk and walk to the 190 bus stop and then wait and wait and wait in the bus and then walk and walk and walk on the way to the esplanade itself. I was begining to melt from the afternoon sun.

The kids looked adorable though. And quite chatty all the way. It lifted my spirits a little bit. Ooh. I could just pull their cheeks

At the parliament house

By this time, Zila called me up telling me that there were a number of schools already assembling at the hall. I was late! We tried to rush as soon as we could there. My kids still had time to pose though .. :P

Not only do you NOT leave me in peace, you’ve brought more cacophony with you … sighs

We reached there finally, at about 3pm or so. I had to apologize to Zila for being so late. I really didnt expect that the journey would take more than an hour. Anyway, we signed up for the attendance and entered the hall.

It was interesting to watch the previews of the competition. The event, organized by singtel where different schools compete in creating the most popular moblog. It was interesting in the sense that not only was it a blog, one could also use mobile phone sms to create posts. It was quite accessible and the nice thing about it was that it was virtually spam free, as it needed a mobile phone to be activated. Not many people would want to spend money just to spam needlessly (probably, maybe)

Singtel and Moe has organized many interesting events. 2 years ago, they hosted the Learn@Arts event which I enjoyed tremendously. That is why I couldnt just let this event slip by. I’m sure that the students would enjoy it. Its a pity that the Technology Club member werent interested in it. All of the students that joined me were sec 1’s. Shows much doesnt it …

Anyway there were heaps of students from many various schools participating. It was a little odd hearing the questions posed by the students

“Can we add programming languages to the blog?”
“How about PERL or Java or C++”
“Isnt there a way to edit the templates instead of the default?”
“What are these datacards for?”

Umm … Isnt this a blog? Where one puts their thoughts and opinions in? To me, my difinition of a blog isnt where one messes with the coding so much so as compared to the actual content and writing of the blog. But I guess to each, their own. I can get surprised sometimes at some people’s eagerness to compete that they forget the actual purpose of the competition.

Anyway, after the briefing, my kids saw Jamie Yeo and you could just see them hyperventillating. ‘Cher! ‘Cher! Its Jamie Yeo! ‘Cher! Do you think she’s married? ‘Cher! Do you see her? Wow! ‘Cher!

* ‘Cher is a short form for Teacher that Singaporeans adopted

Jamie Yeo, by the way, is a popular Deejay as well as an acress for the local television station here. She seemed nice and pretty down to earth with no airs about her. She was pretty busy though, with all the people around her, asking for autographs and taking pictures. My kids pestered me to take a picture of them with her.

Zila and I also managed to talk to Aaron, who was from the show Eye for a guy 2 (which I dont watch though) so I guess he’s another celeb that we saw there. Like Jamie, I guess he was pretty swamped too. Its just me though, but I didnt really get the charm and appeal of the guy. But he seemed interesting. I snapped a picture of Zila and Aaron in this interesting shot

Zila: I’m gonna dig your nose! Muhahahaha!!

We went for a little refreshment after the preview and we went home soon after.

Saturday

Bwaah!! Feeling groggy after waking up in the morning. I just had a heavy lesson in economics on friday night and I really didnt feel like helping out in the school newsletter. But I had to since I promised to help Waheeda and Randy out.

Reached school at about 10am and wondering why the heck I was at work on a saturday and I groaned and moaned and sighed. I walked past the staircase before the staff room and saw the mural drawn by the art students starting to look really good.

I was surprised to see that there are *many* other teachers there on a saturday too.
I settled in and got to work with the trusty laptop. I shrieked and had palpitations at how slow the laptop is at saving the 70megs a document (there were 8 altogether)I almost had a mini heartburn. Butbefore we knew it, it was already 3pm and we were finally done.

Randy and Waheeda decided to act silly as a celebration.

Narimah: Dont complain marina!

Randy: Do you like my pants?

Waheeda: NO pictures!

Prakash, Superman gone wrong

Just me and my yellow flip flops

Anyway, we brought the documents to be vetted by the principal. It was the first time ever that I went over to his house. I was surprised that he lived in a HDB flat. I always assumed that he lived in a bungalow or a terrace. When asked about it, he replied that he’d rather have a smaller house and keep the additional money so that he could enjoy the money instead instead of having the house as a liability. I could understand his point of view.

After vetting, he took us out for dinner at the hawker center nearby for some seafood. And we talked casually,the principal, his friend, Tamil, Randy, Prakash, Waheeda, and me. Waheeda told me to tell the principal about my company problems. She saw that I was really depressed in the afternoon after receiving a sms from the company. They’ve delayed my pay again. Moreover boss wants to see me again on Tuesday. Just what the heck does he want this time? After that thursday night, I’m really begining to lost faith with the company.

The principal listened to my story and proposed to help me out by hiring me as a full time staff with all the benefits and perks as a regular staff there. I’d get 1.8k he said. And that sounded good to me. But he couldnt give me the job now since he is under contract with the company. At the end of the year he said. I guess that was enough to keep me hanging. I’m actually earning very little right now. I used to earn 1.3k and now the company actually CUT my pay to 1k since the begining of the year. I dont even have CPF contributions. I dont feel like a full time staff at all! Not even medical benefits? That was so sad … It was really tough with my studies and my riding practices and my expenditure … Tamil added that the economy was bad and asked me not to listen to the newspaper that said that the economy was picking up. He added that COE prices are going down. That was actually an indication that the economy was bad. I think I’ll hang on, I have to try to. I’ll send my resignation at the end of october or november for the one months notice.

Sunday

Suffered a mini burnt out. Slept all afternoon to recharge

Monday

Went for my final riding practise today. 8.01. And what do you know, I passed that practise. No more lessons! I was pleasantly pleased. About 3 weeks from now will be my traffic police test. I hope I pass it. If I pass it, I’d finally get my license :) So exciting!

Met Randy in the afternoon to pass him the edited version of the newsletter and went to the Taman Jurong Community Center in the evening for the “parents day event”. It was quite interesting albeit, crowded. The minister was there and it was bustling with activity. There were durian tasting session, buffet as well as games. Not many pictures this time though, people move too fast and night time shots needs time for the lighting to flood in properly :\ Oh well

Ah well, time to sleep now in time for the Marathon at the Macritchie Resevouir in the morning. And I havent even completed my Literature essay yet … sigh …

Jurong girl at heart. The beautiful illumination from the HDB blocks reflected on Jurong Lakeside.

I had to rest the entire afternoon, I was completely exhausted after thursday night drama with the company, friday afternoon fiasco then night class and spending the day at Juli’s final make up practical and then spending today’s afternoon at the esplanade photoshoot. I could hardly keep my eyes open while talking to Cart.

Anyways, Saturday, Juli’s final make up practical. It was so exciting for me, I remember accompanying Juli to register at cosmoprof and I remember her telling me about how she had to rush from work in a cab every Tuesday and Thursday for her course and now its already her final practical. How quickly the months go by. I’m sure that she’ll feel a change starting next week with no classes.

I dropped by Paradiz Center at Dhoby Ghaut at about 11am and I already saw Juli working on a model. She looked busy and focused at the task at hand.

Juli introduced me to her, Siti was her name. They met while they were in Thailand trip. Siti looked at me and said that I looked very familliar. Were you from Jurong Mendaki when you were primary six? She asked me. I stared at her and wondered how she knew. Its me! We were classmates then. And we chatted about how were were the only girls in a class full of boys, our tutor, Ms Fauziah that we loved so much. She said that I was very tall and thin then. I dont know where I kept the group picture of us though but I only found this.

Thats Siti on the extreme right, me (woah, was I really *that* skinny?) and one unknown guy.

Anyhow, after a couple of minutes, Juli was done! And here is how Siti looked like afterwards

Isnt she pretty? I love the day makeup done on her. One thing about Malay bridal make up which I wasnt fond of is how thickly slapped on it was, making the bride looking unnatural. This looked lovely to me.

Then it was Hema’s turn

Beautiful, Beautiful! I love it.

There were alot of activity in the Cosmoprof room with alot of other graduates doing their make up too. When the models are done being made up, there were supposed to queue up for the professional studio photographer for the student’s portfolio.

There were also things that made me chuckle:

This is the makeup artist for the creative makeup. One of her models looked like he was violently punched and the other aged. It was just too funny to see them role playing as if they were father and son. The father a violent man and the poor abused son.

This lady here is a runaway bride. See her running shoes and jeans. All ready to run away from the altar!

Hahaha!!!

Little did Ali Baba realise of his fate to marry the deranged eccentric

We ended at about 6pm or so. It was tiring day for me, I am sure that Juli felt more exhausted than I was. But I was really proud of her and I know that we would do well.

—

Sunday

I kind of overslept and went about half an hour late to the PhotoI field trip. I tried out the Lenses that was sponsored by Tamron and I love it! Pity that I could only use it for an hour. And I couldnt try out every one of the different lenses due to the large tunrout.

I am very impressed by the Af18-200mm zoom lens. It had a large range and shoots really fast! Here are a few unedited shots (mainly because I’d like to complete this blog asap and rest)

cant you let me eat in peace, marina?

The magnificent Durian

ROCK ON!

Goodness … 2.30am already! I’m going to bed already. Goodnight!

Ahem just one more picture since I’m egocentric :P